To cater to the voyeurs and/or idly curious, here I’ve posted all of the initial messages I’ve sent out on OkCupid – all 221 of them. Of those 221 women I messaged, 147 (or 66.5%) never replied. The result of each message is noted at the bottom.

There are, of course, women who messaged me first. I’ve omitted those on the grounds that I don’t feel it would be right to publish their words to me. There are also women I’ve messaged through Match, Tinder, and Hinge, but for various technical reasons it’s not practical to go back and gather all the messages I’ve sent on those sites.

I suppose my interest in letting you read them is to give you a more visceral, immediate sense of what it’s like to spend two years wandering the online dating desert.

Here they are in chronological order:

1. December 3, 2012

in india, i spent a couple months living in a village alongside another student in my program and we worked for an ngo that was doing various development initiatives.

the food we were served in the village was pretty meagre – so at one point i traveled back to the nearest city to grab some packs of channa masala to bring back with me to supplement my diet.

i later found out that the villagers resented that fact – not because i viewed their food as insufficient, but because i learned chickpeas are practically considered a luxury good – much more so than apparently humbler legumes like lentils – and they thought i was splurging on them.

just thought it was really cool that you listed that dish and i wanted to say hi.

i also know a great restaurant in town that prepares it really well, if we were to hit it off.

Result: We met and went out once

2. December 4, 2012

i spent a good deal of time staring at your photo to try and figure out what part of the non-profit sector we’re talking about. there’s a bunch of clues to piece together but none amount to much – a D in the corner, looks like the convention center, a fairly large number of name tags. hmm.

asian food was really awesome until i realized that even the stuff that would seemingly be vegan has fish sauce in it. however, by that point i had put several thai restaurateurs’ children through college. oh well. i’d be curious what a “strictly other” diet is.

just wanted to say hi. if you scope out my profile and see anything interesting, send me a message back.

– dan

Result: We met and went out once.

3. December 4, 2012

When you say you think a lot about a lot of things, it brought to mind an insight (well, sort of an insight) I had at some point recently – which is to really marvel at the idea that the extent to which my inner monologue goes on and on ad infinitum is probably matched by the extent to which most other people’s minds do too. I’d say for me that the ability for me to actually meaningfully reflect on stuff kicked in at maybe 10, 12? The sum total of 16 years of the waking hours’ thoughts is staggering – and while I think on the surface it seems banal to say “lots of other people think a lot too” it’s actually really hard to wrap my head around everyone else having as much inner activity.

After all, people just walk around with blank expressions on their faces most of the time.

I’m curious how you found a job you truly love after all the post-secondary ed. I’m still trying to figure that part out myself.

I also agree: essentializing people sucks, whether it’s as women, or as any other identity category.

Just wanted to say hi.

Result: We met and went out once.

4. December 5, 2012

your profile strikes me as very positive and earnest. it’s a nice antidote to a lot of the gals on here that are trying to play the cool game to the max.

i’m sure i’m not the first volunteer in the world to be interested in having you cook for them – but in exchange i’d be happy to try and talk you out of ever attending law school – or at least i could tell you what i wished someone had told me before i took the plunge.

if i ever have a son, i’d seriously consider naming him first name paul, middle name wellstone. it’s been ten years now but i’m still proud that i had the chance to work for him back in my senior year of hs. so maybe we could swap war stories too if you’ve already worked on campaigns.

scope out my profile. if anything strikes you as interesting, send me a message back.

Result: She replied, but we did not meet.

5. December 6, 2012

speaking of people asking you what you’ll do with your undergraduate degree, i used to joke that i was counting on a job at the history factory downtown, but orders are down this quarter so they’re overstaffed. is your next move on your current path or are you thinking of something new?

my main exposure to theater was in my humanities in the 20th century class at the U – we read a ton of it, but i’m guessing it’s just not the same as in person. on the few times i’ve seen live theater, i’ve definitely had fun.

maybe you could help me expand my tea horizons. i don’t know a thing about the stuff, but in the last few months i’ve been getting into it. i always used to think it was all just mild flower water, but then i cut out all sugar beverages from my diet and now the bouquet is a lot more fragrant, so to speak. it is amazing how much your sensory baselines can change. being human is an endless adventure.

you seem fun. maybe i seem fun to you. let me know what you think.

Result: She did not reply.

6. December 9, 2012

you know those sam adams commercials in sepia tone where the earnest acoustic love song is playing in the background and it ends with “for the love of beer?” i really resent that commercial because its culmination just features that old guy who’s probably their ceo that’s in all their ads jumping out of a giant barrel of beer, but the music makes me really unnecessarily wistful every time. i feel manipulated.

just thought i’d say hi. if you scope out my profile and find anything interesting, message me back.

Result: She did not reply.

7. December 13, 2012

while it’s unclear if we could truly be compatible given that i have a strong pro-taco john’s agenda when it comes to mexican-themed fast food, i thought i’d give talking to you a shot anyhow.

you sound like a fun, vibrant person. i’m both glad that you listen to the current, and that you can keep it real about how the current isn’t super awesome. i like your taste in television comedy, and i’d be interested to know more about the books you’re into.

i could certainly match you some horrible stories about working in retail, and raise with stories about working for a retail chain that was actually the front for a several billion dollar ponzi scheme. preview: there were lots of shenanigans.

if you check out my profile and see anything interesting, send me a message back.

Result: She did not reply.

8. December 16, 2012

i’ve been a vegetarian for a long time – and i put several thai restaurateurs’ children through college before i realized all the dishes i loved had fish sauce in them. hasn’t been quite the same..

when i was living in a village in india, the woman who cooked my meals for me had to go into the city 50 miles away to get medical treatment. so she cooked my lunch, dinner, and the next day’s lunch and dinner for me before leaving. it was all good for lunch #1, but a few minutes after dinner #1 i was laid out in intense pain. i spent the rest of the night curled up around the drain the courtyard throwing up more crap than i thought i had in my entire body and wondering what all my friends were doing at 3 pm that day in the U.S. while i was doing it. but i still love indian food.

also curious why the best wes anderson movie isn’t in your list. rushmore was hilarious.

i might know some good vegan/veg restaurants you’ve never been to. if you scope out my profile and you see anything interesting, send me a message back.

Result: She did not reply.

9. December 16, 2012

speaking of advertising, i think the way the gecko slips at the end of this commercial is inspired: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmiK7cIx-pU

i had a friend who used to work at the martin agency and i always badgered her to introduce me to the dude who voices the gecko but she never came through.

speaking of comedy, i’m also pretty proud of when i went to comedysportz and managed to stump them when they solicited crowd suggestions for their improv sketches. they did their best to work with “soy” – but it didn’t go so hot. they were super funny with everything else they did, though. a good buddy of mine has been taking a bunch of classes at the upright citizens brigade theater out in LA so i have a lot of respect for how hard it is to climb the comedy ladder.

if you scope out my profile and see anything interesting, send me a message back.

Result: She did not reply

10. December 18, 2012

a friend of mine told me he was really excited about the possibility of reading 2666 until he realized it was not set in the year 2666.

i grabbed it anyway and it’s been dutifully sitting in line on my shelf ever since.

just wanted to say hi. if the stuff in my profile strikes you as interesting, message me back.

Result: She did not reply.

11. December 20, 2012

when i first discovered evergreen, i read a review somewhere that described its crowd as mixture between recent asian immigrants and grad students. that proved both true and a great indicator of its awesomeness. i like the mock beef and chicken, but i’m not so certain about the weirder mock stuff like fish or squid..

i’m messaging you despite the warning that you say i shouldn’t need anything long term. that’s probably what i’m looking for in the end on this site – though obviously i’m not trying to marry women i’m just sending quick messages to. easy come, easy go, etc., etc.

i’m trying to think of social encounters when forced familiarity can become an issue, but i’m drawing a blank. perhaps an event with extended family where the members presume deep ties based on blood that never actually grew in in real life? i’m curious where you’re coming from.

i feel like if you take a look at my profile you might find me interesting. if you do, hit me up.

Result: We met and went out once

12. December 25, 2012

When I watch Bourdain I have to suppress the overwhelming envy I feel at how that jerk gets to make a career out of going awesome places, hanging out, and making his producers do all the crap work. And of course I call him a jerk solely out of jealousy.

What’s in your stack of books by the bed? I’m always piling more on my stack than I manage to take out from the bottom..

Just wanted to say hi. If anything in my profile catches your eye, send me a message back.

Result: We met and went out twice.

13. December 30, 2012

every single one of the similar users that shows up in your profile is described as “more adventurous.” seems kinda unfair for someone who wants to work with displaced people in africa..

come to think of it, i’m kinda curious how okcupid describes similar users in relation to me..

thought i’d say hi. i’ve thought about trying to get a job in development work in africa, as well, specifically probably demining in angola. i spent a summer over in southern africa and i think the history of the region is fascinating, and the people were pretty wonderful.

i bet you’d find my profile interesting if you checked it out. message me back if you do.

Result: She did not reply.

14. December 30, 2012

i’m also pretty huge into trivia and ethnic restaurants – although strangely enough i don’t think i can think of a single instance where those worlds crossover. instead, i usually have to get a basket of fries and a beer at trivia and save actual eating for the joints where i have no opportunity to show off my useless knowledge beyond my table. indian is my favorite, and thai is a close second (though it nosedived when i realized that fish sauce really is in everything and that’s why it really tasted so good), with honorable mention to mediterranean and mexican.

hot tip: jeopardy first round auditions for our timezone are coming up on the internet January 8th. i’m still trying to worm my way onto that show but i didn’t manage to convince them the last few times around.

you travel in east africa?

one of my best friends is in the mph program right now, and i’ve hung out with a bunch of her classmate friends but we haven’t crossed paths yet it seems.

if you scope my profile and find it interesting, message me back, k?

result: She replied, but we did not meet.

15. December 31, 2012

high fidelity – the book or the movie? just kidding – they’re both awesome.

it’s cool to see someone who says they’ve gone vegan while also really loving the taste of animal products. that makes the sacrifice much more poignant than the people who say “i never really liked meat anyway.” i haven’t eaten meat for 12 years myself – and i’m vegan myself (my profile says vegetarian because i’d rather limit my dating options to ~10% of the population rather than 1%).

is it a health thing or an ethical thing for you?

Result: She did not reply

16. December 31, 2012

brand new is probably the best angry young man band out there – so they’re probably my favorite band i don’t hype up to other people out of fear they’ll think i’m still too moody and hormonal.

what are your guilty pleasure emo bands from back in the day? it was only in the last 2 years or so that i transitioned from away the default band t-shirt wardrobe..

if you like bluegrass and pizza, i know a hell of a place. if we hit it off i’d be happy to tell you all about it.

Result: She did not reply

17. January 2, 2013

are balloons the hot new trend in staging a property? certainly could lend itself to a feeling of festiveness in the buyers.

i chose my apartment i live in at least partially because i can see the planes takeoff and land from my windows. has working in the air sucked all the romance out of flying for you?

okcupid says one of the strongest predictors of a successful match is the answer to the question “do you like horror movies?” my answer was also no.

Result: She did not reply

18. January 2, 2013

what’s your discipline you’re applying in? i’ve played that game for a long time and only recently gave up; for a long time i thought a good gre score was too valuable to waste.

if you want to match wits, the jeopardy adult tryouts are coming up on the evening of the 9th. 50 questions – last time i did it i recorded it to see how many i got right. and i got the callback for the second audition – but no dice on being cast.

i realize it won’t show it because i’m messaging you, but i have it on good authority that my okcupid light shows i’m selective if that will give you an incentive to reply..

Result: She did not reply

19. January 2, 2013

i spent a summer a few years back listening to nothing but the bbc world service in the middle of the night in the hopes that i could develop a respectable british accent. i failed miserably and even when humor require i deploy the pathetic accent i have, i really have to force myself into it.

i do, however, have quite a respectable german and russian. and when my brain can avoid the slip back into german, i have a decent french.

you like used books too – i’m on a first name basis with the dudes at booksmart in uptown. mark and rich. rich told me earlier this week cheapo’s lease is up in august and won’t be renewed, so it might be curtains for booksmart. which is honestly pretty devastating.

i like majors and quinn and all, but i like to have options.

i’d also like to hear your thoughts on gender roles. maybe we could get together and critique the politics of stuff like 30 rock (from the left).

Result: She did not reply

20. January 2, 2013

so you’ve lived in minnesota, alaska, AND norway – sounds like you must have had to adapt to a lot of different natural conditions!

i kid – i’m a minnesota lifer so far, so i’m not one to get smug. it’s actually pretty bad ass to spend such extended periods abroad. does norway have decent mexican food? that’s one cuisine nowhere else in the world is very good at, as far as i can tell. (well, obviously mexico is pretty good at it presumably)

lots of people think they know who they are and what they want, but true self awareness is incredibly difficult to achieve. i won’t claim to have mastered it myself, but i’m trying.

from what i read of your profile, i think you’re trying too. let me know if you find my profile interesting.

Result: She did not reply

21. January 2, 2013

right now i’m reading “the courting of marcus dupree,” and through the first part of the book there’s very little about football and a lot of background about rural mississippi. it’s pretty evocative – i almost feel sweaty and sunburnt just turning the pages.

are you from philadelphia or anywhere else in neshoba county?

i feel like we might get along. jewelry is unbelievably silly; i’d rather spend my money taking a woman i love on a trip around the world instead of paying industrialists in south africa and middlemen in india and israel.

that said – your dealbreakers are worded very strongly, and i don’t want to waste your time or mine. first, i don’t know what your threshold for overweight is. i do have two recent photos up – and i’m midway through a regime which has seen me lose 30 pounds since summer which i fully intend upon continuing. (though i know, show, don’t tell)

i’m not into crystals or burning incense or chanting or whatever. but i’m not an atheist (or at least i haven’t resolved the debate in that direction yet) and i have tried to meditate.

word. hope to hear from you.

Result: We met and went out twice.

22. January 4, 2013

in the late stages of her life, my grandma had alzheimer’s. my family is small – besides my grandma it was just my mom and me. when i went solo to visit my grandma at her facility it was a real challenge to keep it together.

brief story even shorter, i think you must have a buoyant personality to do the work you do and i am highly confident you are thoroughly underpaid.

what kind of music gets the clients’ spirits up? do you need to connect with an old memory locked deep away in their past through old songs, or is there a universal language of music that works on people no matter what generation they came from? i imagine we’re still not yet past the threshold where dementia sufferers were beatles fans growing up – i bet we’re still in lawrence welk territory.

like you i had braces. unlike you, i’m not so sure that “it took.”

just wanted to say hi. i think you might find my profile interesting. if you do, message me back.

Result: She did not reply

23. January 8, 2013

i checked out your profile and i can’t resist the opportunity to share this mcsweeneys story, given what you list in your favorite books:http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/a-robbery-of-three-liberal-arts-graduates-the-police-report

note that i haven’t gotten around to reading any sontag, but regarding the pain of others is on my massive and never shrinking to-read pile.

if the mcsweeneys article makes you laugh and my profile intrigues you, hit me back.

Result: She did not reply

24. January 14, 2013

​i also aspire to being able to hold conversation on any topic whatsoever.

i’m particularly proud one particular get together hosted by a friend of mine where i managed to connect meaningfully with three of her friends about the dangers of alfalfa (you can never get the fertilizer out of it!), the ins and outs of the 2012 North Dakota US senate race, and the most phallic building in America which happens to be in ypsilanti, Michigan.

take a look at my profile and if you think we’d have things to talk about, send me a message back – we seem like we’re pretty much on the same page when it comes it okcupid’s questions.

Result: She did not reply

25. January 14, 2013

​back in my first year at the ever so prestigious mondale hall, my sectionmates and i hit the town after our fall exams. while the others caroused around chino latino (a bit obvious of a destination, right?), i talked with a guy with whom i’d not yet exchanged words throughout the semester.

he said he was very close to throwing in the towel. i said i wasn’t having a barrel fun of fun either.

he ended up being the only close friend i got out of the three years and we still get together just about every week.

which is to say: you can’t be half bad.

what are you writing about? even if i don’t hear back from you, best of luck on your journey.

Result: We met and went on several dates. We are still friends to this day

26. January 17, 2013

​i’m not great at making waffles, but some of my best friends are gender studies professors or phd students so i am both decently up on my theory and pretty good at being less problematic than the average schmoe.

and i bet i’m even better than you at starting books. maybe we can throwdown on that sometime.

Result: She did not reply

27. January 17, 2013

​you must love what the history channel has become these days..

i think even scarier than the thought that others could read your mind is the realization that everyone else’s inner monologue is as compelling, continual, and immediate as is our own. seriously – everyone else walking around just generally have a blank expression on their faces that don’t give the barest hint of the world of thought beneath the surface.

i think you sound pretty neat from your profile. i feel like you might think i’m neat too. hit me up if i’m right about that.

Result: She did not reply

28. January 17, 2013

​i’m pretty convinced i can do a mean matt berlinger impression if i got the chance to at karaoke, but i feel like it’d harsh the buzz if i started belting out lemonworld or some similarly bleak song by the national when everyone else is trying to drink and be merry.

if music is the only thing that matters, i’ve been finding a lot of cool stuff lately checking out the guardian’s new band of the day. just a couple days it turned me on to a swedish pop duo call “ditt inre” (whatever that means) by describing them as a-ha meets sigur ros. which was pretty spot on.

so music matters a lot to me, but so does other stuff. if you take a look at my profile and feel like we’d have stuff to chat about, hit me back with a reply.

Result: She did not reply

29. January 17, 2013

you hear there’s a new yeah yeah yeahs record coming out soon? it’s been too damn long.

okcupid seems to solely match me up with women who are/say they are introverts. not a bad thing, for sure – i’m not the type that can walk into a party or bar full of strangers and end the night arm in arm with a ton of new friends. but i also wonder which way i should think of myself, because a lot of times introvert ends up being code for “eh, not super into people.”

i cite marcellus wallace’s words of wisdom pretty often when thinking about my own relationship’s ups or downs, or talking with friends about theirs.

just like he told bruce willis about hesitation about throwing a prize fight, so it is with jealousy or sadness or rage in relationships: “that’s pride fucking with you. fuck pride.”

that’s the attitude i try to take about this kinda stuff.

scope out my profile and if you think we’d have stuff to talk about, hit me back.

Result: She did not reply

30. January 17, 2013

i have a buddy who’s doing his phd in philosophy and despite his work having nothing to do with 18th century empiricists, he’s determined to find a way to write the paper “to hume it may concern” at some point in his life.

i think you’re on the right track on both renouncing law school and wanting to go back to south africa.

are you south african or did you study there at some point or what? i traveled around the region and find it fascinating and beautiful.

Results: We met and went out twice

31. January 17, 2013

Turkmen, Pashto, Dari, Uzbek, and Urdu – I coached students on a debate topic about national service and my top team in 06-07 said we needed to relax the foreign ties requirements for speakers of those languages for military interpreters because then, as now, it sounds like we send lots of 20 year olds over with guns who can’t actually talk to the people living in Central Asia. Doesn’t sound like a good formula for fostering understanding and friendship between people..

Too bad we don’t have a larger Peace Corps and a smaller military. What country did you do your stint in?

Here’s something crazy that I promise I’m not making up – a good friend of mine just told me a week ago that he won the Swissair “Merry Swissness” contest for a free trip to Switzerland and he’s taking me along. In addition to free flights, we get an 8 day Swiss rail pass and a stay in each of Zermatt and villars-gryon (I think?).

I don’t happen to know a thing about Switzerland, so if you do I’d love to hear ideas of what my buddy and I should do/see.

Result: She replied, but we did not meet.

32. January 19, 2013

your main picture shows up in my matches pretty often – and your head looks disembodied. i was relieved to discover upon further investigation that it is connected to a neck and all the rest.

a buddy of mine just a few days ago told me about penn & teller: bullshit when the discussion turned to sleeping pills. (i had never heard of the show before, nor did i expect to run into again until your profile) apparently the verdict is that they’re not all that great according to the dude they tested them on in the show.

just wanted to say hi. i dig the old r&b stuff you’re into, as well.

Result: She did not reply

33. January 19, 2013

i am reasonably certain the bleak reality is that no, the people on the bachelor(ette) do not experience emotions in the way real, standard people do. but if you spend your time reflecting on that question – or even coming up with it in the first place – why are you trying to get into showbiz? or, for that matter, why the heck would you be in minneapolis?

you seem like you’ve got spunk. send me a message back if you feel like i might be neat myself.

Result: She did not reply

34. January 19, 2013

going to a movie alone is always a bit of a bleak experience, but going to eternal sunshine in the theatre alone was really memorably desolate. superbly moving, but i remember walking out of there into the parking lot feeling numbed.

your favorite tv is a mixture of shows i know and love (30 rock, breaking bad) and shows i know i’m supposed to get around to watching one of these days (parks and rec, curb your enthusiasm).

one thing i’m proud of lately is that i’ve begun to hone my concentration so that i can go spend time looking at the stuff at the MIA that i used to find boring. it’s pretty easy to run out of the cool contemporary works or the impressionists, but there’s a whole other world of 11th century buddhist sculpture and ancient gilt pages of the koran to explore.

i like to head out that way and get lost in the place pretty often.

you seem pretty neat. i think you might think me neat too. let me know if you do.

Result: She did not reply

35. January 19, 2013

can’t claim i know a thing about math (my ceiling was intro college calculus) but i find it fascinating that they haven’t figured out a pattern or a way to identify prime numbers in a systematic way – they just have to do the number crunching one prime number at a time.

i don’t really know that much about taxes, either, but reading “the pale king” has certainly put me at the far right side of the bell curve in terms of “consumption of literary materials related to taxation.”

you’ve got a fairly laconic profile, but i like your vibe. i think you might like mine. take a look at my profile and let me know if you do.

Result: She did not reply

36. January 19, 2013

at the furthest envelope of my conscious memories i can just vaguely remember watching a cruddy, low budget show where two guys dressed up as mario and luigi – and thanks to wikipedia i could look it up:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Super_Mario_Bros._Super_Show!

also, have you ever heard the ben folds rendition of “bitches ain’t shit?” the first time i heard it i ended up laughing until i cried, but then again i happen to have a deep appreciation for dr. dre’s classic 1992 album the chronic.

just wanted to say hi.

Result: We met and went out once

37. February 4, 2013

when i was little (like six), i wanted to be a part time rocket scientist, part time school bus driver. everyone always talked about how smart rocket scientists were, and then driving the school bus seemed like so much fun.

i’ve got a lot of dave eggers on my bookshelf, a bunch of the yeah yeah yeahs in my ipod, and my studies abroad were really epic and memorable. you seem like you’ve got a lot going on and i bet we’d have some good stuff to talk about.

– dan

Result: We met and went out twice.

38. February 8, 2013

one of my trips i was angling to take for a long time was a drive up the dalton highway in alaska up to the arctic ocean, but when google maps drove a streetview camera up the length of it, it diminished the mystique of the journey. which isn’t to say i wouldn’t still like to get up there.

was your trip to nepal related to meditation or just a study abroad stint (or both)?

the brain is fascinating. the factoid that stuck with me from some point in the last year or so is how if you keep your visual perspective upside down for a week or more, your brain will flip your vision such that everything will appear upside down when you return to walking around right side up.

just wanted to say hi.

Result: We met and went out on many dates.

39. February 11, 2013

sometimes when i view a video on youtube i play the game “racism, sexism, homophobia, or ableism.” you scroll down the comments list from the top and you win if you predict which particular form of vile prejudice will rear its head first. the game does not take very long.

which tomes have you taken on? did you compound the difficulty presented by their length by actually annotating them? it is a major source of anxiety for me that i am making precious little progress through my bookshelf’s tomes, and when i do i don’t bother to make notes (even though i know i should).

i feel like we could get along quite well. take a look at my profile and i bet you’ll agree.

Result: She did not reply initially, but then she messaged me a year later unaware that I’d messaged her a year before. We met and went on many dates.

40. February 11, 2013

if you’re the type of person who finds sufi poetry on her own and is moved by it, i might be late to the party here in suggesting this, but if you haven’t already you should check out the perennial philosophy by aldous huxley. it’s all about how all of the world’s religious traditions share certain deep mystic truths at their cores – and it has a lot of guidance on how to shuck away all the nonsense associated with those religions to get to those essential truths. i’ve been a big fan of it.

what are your thoughts on breathing? in the form of meditation i try to do, breathing isn’t a focus, but it ends up being a hindrance. it’s something i never give thought to until i’m trying desperately to ignore it.

i like the vibe of your profile. if you like the vibe of mine, get back to me. and even if you don’t, grab yourself a copy of the perennial philosophy the next time you’re in a bookstore. i bet you’d get something out of it.

– dan

Result: We met and went out twice.

41. February 19, 2013

one path you might consider as a route to seeing the world, using your degree, and earning a livable paycheck would be to apply for a job as a foreign service officer. (note: i am NOT actually a state department plant on okcupid doing recruitment on the sly) they’re the professionals who staff american embassies worldwide and it might be up you alley. though it would be potentially a little less hands on and not as down among the people as you’re looking for.

i can identify with a lot of the sentiments in your profile about desiring to make a positive impact on the world but not necessarily knowing where next to turn. what did you do in ghana? was it the MSID program?

sometimes i have dreams about eating bacon cheeseburgers from wendy’s. it’s a weird blend of sensual fantasy and moral nightmare. it’s been 11 years now in the awake world without meat. and some of that time was spent in south africa, where it sure wasn’t simple to avoid it..

Result: We met and went out once.

42. February 20, 2013

the good news is that if you want to surf lake calhoun, paddling out is radically easier than you’re probably used to. also, there are fewer shark attacks.

fun fact: lake calhoun is named after a former american vice president known mostly for his rabid defense of slavery. we really need to get around to renaming the damn thing.

there’s definitely worse places to find yourself in in the u.s. than here. if you’re gonna be around for a while i could offer up some enlightenment, and if you’re floating on through that’s cool too. happy travels.

i bet you’ve gotten this before – most people who look like people get it endlessly – but you’ve got a chloe sevigny thing going on. so much so that i’d almost think that’s what you’re going for.

just wanted to say hi.

Result: She did not reply

43. February 28, 2013

speaking of nuclear sanctions, my favorite counterintuitive argument i like to teach to my debate students (that happens to make some actual sense) is that proliferation is good. it works well because few people are actually prepared to defend the notion of the spread of nuclear weapons being bad for peace. they just take it as a given.

free trade happens to be the one (and i really mean the only one) issue where i agree with a majority of the members of congress belonging to the other party than the one i belong to against the majority if members of mine.

without cheating by looking at my self-summary – does that mean i like free trade or hate it?

curious what you do in politics. you seem think tanky. but we don’t really have any in minneapolis..

Result: She did not reply

44. March 2, 2013

​i do think there’s a certain romance associated with committing to particular shots on film and going through the delayed gratification of waiting to develop the rolls – but i also end up taking mostly terrible photos such that i usually shoot 30 photos for every one that ends up being decent.

what do you get out of using real film?

what’s the focus of your religious studies program? i appreciate very much that earnest love for people can spring from religious belief, even as i understand that religion can be a source of discord and violence as well. you sound like you fall very purposefully in the former camp rather than the latter – so i suspect i get why you didn’t select “and very serious about it” but i’d be interested in hearing more.

you spend time in east africa?

Result: She did not reply

45. March 5, 2013

what kind of challenges did you face in france learning the language? i didn’t spend nearly as much time over there, but i definitely had my fair share of moments where i felt like a total moron. like when i went to a pizza shop in la defense and asked for “un piece de fromage” and got very strange looks. also that pizza guy ripped me off by several euros in change.

what trash tv are you a connoisseur of? i will admit to a soft spot for the millionaire matchmaker. and probably many other similar admissions if you’ll share yours.

Result: She did not reply

46. March 6, 2013

one of my recent saturday nights consisted of hanging out at a divey pizza place in uptown that has live bluegrass reading civilwarland in bad decline. i definitely laughed out loud at the first story in there – which is not something i often literally do.

two nights ago i wandered into a juice bar (the sign out front was like “100% raw vegan organic juice!”) and bought a ridiculously expensive bottle. it had apple, mint, cucumber, kale, and lime. dude told me it took 3 pounds of produce to make the bottle. the guy was very pro-juice. it was really refreshing. so i might have to start getting into kale.

what’d you major in? what non-profits are you trying to work for? doesn’t the sense of being adrift in your 20s suck? i feel like life is a bit better when the weekends really mean something.

i like your vibe. i think you might like mine. let me know if you do.

Result: We met and went out several times.

47. March 16, 2013

what coffee shops do you know of that have comfy chairs for reading? i went out yesterday to hard times to read a book – which is great because they’re open until forever, but that place ain’t exactly built for comfort.

you and i definitely click on a food level. when i hang out with buddies and we’re going to dinner they’ll ask what i’m up for – and I’ll say either, meaning indian OR thai. i like to give them choices.

but i’m still having a hard time getting into the spongy sour ethiopian bread.

where have you gone in the world? or, i suppose more importantly – where do you want to go?

i like your vibe. i think you might like mine too.

– dan

Result: She did not reply

48. March 16, 2013

​that’s super cool that you worked in west africa. which country were you in? how’d you end up getting connected up with that opportunity?

you missed cheese – i missed just being able to not eat meat over there. it was a real pain to stick to being vegetarian in southern africa.

what kind of folk artists move you? i don’t know a ton of folk, but nick drake is one of my all time favorite artists that moves me.

– dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

49. March 19, 2013

in 9th grade one of my friends at the time had a dad who did computer whatever stuff, and as a result the kid had lots of sweet tech stuff to play around with. i had become a fairly leet internet/computer user at that point so i wanted to play around with programming so i asked my buddy if he’d hook me up with his dad’s c (or was it c++? i dunno) compiler.

and the kid was like “no, get your own.” lacking the couple hundred bucks that that would take, i joined the debate team instead. what might have been, eh?

without question, the aesthetic of highly cogent and grammatical writing without capital letters is superior. though i am getting sick of people asking me if i’m “doing it for bell hooks.” making sure to prevent my iphone from autocorrecting the first letters of my sentences to upper case is not a political choice.

i like books and art. not so sure about the internet anymore because i think it’s fucking with my ability to sustain the concentration necessary to read things longer than wikipedia entries. what do you think?

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

50. March 21, 2013

i just thought of the juliana theory on sunday for the first time in ages. a buddy of mine was playing a show at the 7th street entry and i hadn’t been in there for forever so i got all nostalgic and tried to remember all the shows i had gone to there back in like high school. i could only specifically identify two – and one of them was a juliana theory show where most of the band members seemed pretty bummed to be playing a show and where brett detar had very large poofy rock star hair.

also considering how ridiculously often i listen to brand new, i’m pretty pissed i haven’t seen them live yet.

where do you like to people watch? i feel like it’s hard to strike a balance between being close enough to have a good vantage point to observe the action, and far enough removed so the act of observing doesn’t disrupt or distract the people around you that are doing their thing.

Result: She did not reply

51. March 21, 2013

welcome back. i consider myself a bit of a grizzled okc veteran and i’ve only been on it since december.

as i’ve progressed in my career i’ve found that my job involves way less intellectual fireworks than i would have presumed. rather, i’m basically a therapist for every pissed off, scared, anxious person who comes through the door. i think a lot of my success comes down to the fact that my voice sounds reassuringly authoritative on the phone. why do your friends think you should be a shrink?

have you ever heard of modern seinfeld? it’s a twitter account that does nothing but brief plot synopses of hypothetical seinfeld episodes if seinfeld took place in 2013. some of ’em are pretty good – @seinfeldtoday

if we hit it off i’d be interested to hear about your writing. maybe over a beer at the kind of place that plays motown without having to pay for it on the jukebox (does that exist?).

Result: We met and went out once.

52. March 28, 2013

the humane society website is dangerous because it’s always refreshed with new cute dogs that i could totally go get right now, but i know i shouldn’t, but they’re right there. and even the ones that aren’t cute – they’re the ones you know no one else will probably adopt and they’re probably really sweet too so you wanna adopt them as well.

i call their website cute porn. it’s addictive stuff.

where were your photos taken? the one with the birds looks like red square or something.

I’ve also got a recommendation for the next time you’re thinking to yourself “i need a 500 page novel to read.” i’ve nearly finished “the pale king” by david foster wallace, and i promise it’s by far the best novel ever written about the us tax code.

check it out, and if i’m wrong then you totally have a good excuse not to date me.

Result: She did not reply

53. March 30, 2013

i like your answer to the question “has capitalism made the world a better place.” when i joined okc i thought about adding a requirement for the women i’d date that “you should be at least somewhat skeptical of capitalism,” but i thought i’d sound a little too toolish.

last time i went to karaoke, i closed out the night with “i want it that way,” and i dragged my buddy up on stage with me but she didn’t do the backing vocals with as much flair as i would have liked.

how’d you end up a corporate drone who’s ready to fly the anticapitalism flag high against anyone?

Result: She did not reply

54. April 14, 2013

​it does actually kinda crack me up when someone really nails using yolo ironically. it’s a tough thing to do now. though i have absolutely no idea how to use gtl in a sentence on any sort of frequent basis. i guess every day at quitting time i could tell to my coworkers “oh dang, time to gtl.” but the 60 year old dudes wouldn’t be into it.

how does taking the gre figure into your future plans?

also: when i was a kid, i was a real snot and was too picky to eat most healthy things, but i always did love broccoli. and to this day it makes no sense to me when people hate on it.

one thing that kinda ruins scrabble for me is when the really good people memorize all the stupid words like “AA” or “QI” and then put q down on a triple word score with an I in two different directions. do you play cheaply and use all the dumb fake words?

i do meet your base minimum requirements (this message is not coming from prison!) – but obviously there’s more to things than just that.

thought i’d say hi.

Result: She did not reply

55. April 18, 2013

your infinite jest is my the pale king. though i’ve buckled down and nearly finished it and at the risk of pretentious hyperbole, it’s been kinda life changing. it’s really different from (the 75 or so pages i’ve read of) infinite jest – it’s wiser, sadder, less intellectual fireworks and more genuine insight into life.

regarding generic hipster indie, sometimes i feel like it’s hard to be into anything else now. it reminds me of this clip from demolition man:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFiDoOgRTpk

your profile on here is one of the funnier ones i’ve seen and i think we’d get along well. maybe we could hang out and compare the lists of all the wikipedia entries we’ve read? you can tell me what bernard machines are and i’ll try to remember why on october 11th i read about jarvis cocker and then two entries later i read about the year 10,000 problem.

Result: She did not reply

56. June 30, 2013

i share the sentiment you express in your photo of you browsing okcupid. you a veteran?

one of my favorite recent things at the mia was the art curator’s office installation. i’m not sure if it was part of the more real exhibition or not because it wasn’t in the more real exhibition gallery…but i think it was a facetious piece rather than a genuine recreation of the mia’s curator’s office from the 1940s. but i’ll never be sure..

i’m pretty confident everyone in the world who clicks on the tumblr will like this particular gif – http://littlerabbit6.tumblr.com/post/48293097284 – so i won’t presume too much, but i bet might get along. let me know if you agree.

Result: She did not reply

57. June 30, 2013

i looked up the haiku stairs and saw that you were vaguely lawbreaking when you got up on them. bad ass – i get a thrill out of the (fairly harmless) naughtiness of going where i’m not supposed to go. you ever gone urban exploring?

i like your profile’s vibe and i bet you might like my profile’s vibe as well. i’ll take a stab at recommending a book in one of the genres you’ve listed – dave egger’s a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. it’s been a couple years since i read it but i really got a kick out of it and it was pretty thought provoking.

how do you reconcile the desires for dynamic conversation as well as peace and quiet?

Result: She did not reply

58. July 1, 2013

i’m trying to hold the line for physical books but i fear it’s a losing battle. i am wistful that my favorite used bookstore – the one i’ve frequented since the 1990s – is in serious decline and in fact i think is going out of business in august. hmm – wistful might be understating it.

also, i found it pretty disconcerting that (way) back in the day for some reason books sometimes were bound with human skin. what the hell?

on a scale of 1 to adrift, how nebulous is your space right now? i’m still tenaciously trying to cling to twenty-something ennui but my clock is ticking and pretty soon it might end up being middle aged dude ennui. do you know what you’d like to do for grad school?

Result: She did not reply

59. July 1, 2013

my mom was also pretty ahead of the curve, foodwise. she was hauling me around to indian restaurants and making chickpea couscous stuff at home back in like 1989. i hated it then and demanded mcdonalds like a brat – but now i realize how cool she was.

i myself am about 10% of the way through infinite jest. i originally started it several years ago and it’s very odd that i don’t remember any of the first 40 pages or so that i had already read. but i am enjoying it so far – finishing the pale king inspired me to try to battle through the rest of his fiction.

also – i saw the yeah yeah yeahs last wednesday night (in milwaukee – i never got my hands on tickets for the first ave show) and it was actually kind of a let down.

i feel like we have a bunch in common and i am a big fan of gravitas. let me know if you think we might get along.

Result: She did not reply

60. July 1, 2013

a couple months ago i went with a friend of mine who’s in americorps along to a daycare event and it was really my first experience with little kids since…probably i was a little kid.

it was amazing the social dynamics they displayed – and it was fairly depressing that by far the most common word/sentiment/emotion they displayed was “MINE!” when tussling over toys/playing space/attention of adults. even the ones who barely spoke any words at all definitely had already learned “it’s mine!”

i wonder if that’s evidence that capitalism warps young minds, or if capitalism’s just the inevitable consequence of our natural selfishness. hard to say!

what’s the story on the urban turkey adventure?

Result: She did not reply

61. July 3, 2013

​did you learn to put bacon in baked goods from the french? in high school i went on the french class trip and in my family stay there was real noncomprehension of the notion of vegetarianism. i suppose i understood the questions about whether i ate fish, but questions about chicken were more curious. and the ultimate endgame here was when they served me a dumpling dish with chunks of pork in it.

i also had a great time when i stupidly tried to order “un piece de fromage” at a pizza place.

you seem like you’d have some cool stories to share. if you feel like i might too, get back in touch.

– dan

Result: She did not reply

62. July 4, 2013

​i wracked my brain a bit before sending this message because i know i’ve laid down some hot grammar humor before in the past. but i guess the stage fright’s getting the worst of me here.

my ideal place in the world would be roughly the place you want to open. back in the day there used to be some used bookstores in town that were open past midnight which used to be awesome – and i did actually go to a coffee shop/bar/bookstore in dc once. it was as cool as you’d think it’d be.

i’m fish-sitting for a neighbor over the fourth weekend so i’ve got to be careful about trying to make plans with you this weekend so as to accommodate your phobias, but wanna hang out sometime? i’d like to hear about your work and your world bucket list.

let me know. i’m dan.

Result: did not reply

63. July 4, 2013

hatred of zydeco is probably justifiable – though i feel like there are more important genres to single out for scorn.

you’re going to africa soon – i’ve spent substantial time there and might be going back in the near future.

wanna hang out and swap notes? i’d have fun i bet.

my name’s dan. hope to hear from you.

Result: She did not reply

64. July 4, 2013

you name drop both uptown and northeast in your profile…so it’s hard to say which one you live in. i happen to live in the part of town that one sassy map called “wannabe hipsters,” as opposed to northeast where the “real hipsters” supposedly are. that’s a crock.

i’ve been a lifer here so i have an idea of what’s going on around town. i have some love for montana too – traveled out there a couple of times and read at least one book that’s just about montana. even if you don’t reply to this message, maybe check out “bad land” by jonathan raban. it inspired me to want to really poke around the small dots on the map in eastern montana.

also, if put on the spot, i can do a rousing karaoke rendition of just about any oasis song. feel free to put me on the spot.

my name’s dan. hope to hear from you.

Result: She did not reply

65. July 5, 2013

along with you i share a kind of romantic attachment to airports. the excitement and promise of going new places, reuniting with important people, or just the magic of flying 500 miles an hour through the air all means that being at the airport has a real affect on me. i hope one day the tsa drops the rule that you need a boarding pass to wander around the terminals..

what’s your favorite airport?

i imagine you also share my annoyance with a great deal of the “evolutionary psychology” that purports to explain why men and women act the way they do. i’ve been fortunate to meet a lot of fascinating people over the years that has really confirmed that humans are incredibly, wildly diverse and that the gender roles that are laid out for everyone do seem to be as the result of inertia and social pressure rather than innate masculinity or femininity.

you seem like a pretty cool, rounded person from your profile. i think we might be able to get along. let me know if you agree.

– dan

Result: She did not reply

66. July 6, 2013

i think of love actually every time i meet a british dude and i have to explain to him that if he came to america he could have just about any woman he wants. they never believe me but love actually does show how true it is.

you from here? starting law school in the fall? why’d you decide to go that way?

also – i’ve owned a pug and i can assure you it’s every bit as amazing as you’d think it’d be.

– dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

67. July 13, 2013

hey,

i’ve definitely seen colum mccann books in the bookstore before – the cover is pretty eye catching. what’d you like about let the great world spin?

are you from here originally? i’ve spent a lot of years working my way through all the small corners of the city and i have a lot of favorite go-to spots by now (including some excellent thai places). what kinda places have you found? my favorite coffee shop is bull run on 34th and lyndale, my favorite asian place is a tie between the lotus off loring park and the evergreen on nicollet and 24th, and my favorite brunchy cafe-y place is the birchwood cafe. i just moved to uptown about a month ago and it’s really life changingly awesome.

also – i’m really excited to see the national for the first time in august. i’ve got a pair of ticket to the show. if we hit it off, it might be fun to go together.

Result: We met and went on many dates. (And we did go to National show together..)

68. July 14, 2013

your second photo looks really cool – it’s too bad over here we don’t have any bad ass back alleys and footpaths that have the same kind of historic cachet.

what kind of philosophy stuff do you like to read? i find i never get through more books than when i’m abroad – but then again maybe in spain it’s the norm to go hang out every night and eat dinner at 11 and then dance all night through the streets. or at least that’s my impression of the place!

am i wrong?

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

69. July 15, 2013

i rejoined the ywca recently and i think someone there has a real sense of humor because they tune so many of the tvs that are right over the treadmills to the food network.

what’d you do in france for a year? i spent a couple weeks there back in the day and the highlights were when i asked for “un piece de fromage” at a pizza stand and got unfriendly looks, not being able to find a bathroom ANYWHERE EVER, and joining my host brother for a rugby practice and his team really enjoying tackling me.

i can also identify with doing years and years of french language study and still being totally unable to put doing “speaks french fluenty” on an okcupid profile.

Result: She did not reply

70. July 15, 2013

growing up one of my earlier childhood memories was the dilemma i faced every saturday morning when garfield aired at the same time as civil war journal on the history channel. i also remember the agony of seeing commercials for the history channel but the local cable operator not carrying it, no matter how many times i called as like an 8 year old asking for it.

simpler times, eh?

that said i really wished they’d go back to world war two documentaries rather than aliens and canadian truckers. though i do really like pawn stars.

are the monty python bunny slippers the black beast of aaaaaaargh?

i think it would be fun to get together. at least partially because a date that consisted of watching the history channel could be awesome, but also because it’d be cool to date someone with a name none of my friends could pronounce. hopefully it’s caoimhe or meadhbh or aercbiliorshe (pronounced, “jane”).

i’m dan, by the way. my first name isn’t that cool but my last name’s decently unpronounceable..

Result: She did not reply

71. July 17, 2013

sounds like you’ve kinda been living the dream – san francisco is one of the few places in the US other than here where i’d ever want to live, and i’ve wanted to get out to alaska for a long time. why’d you come back here? what’d you do in denali national park?

one of my life goals was to drive the dalton highway but then google street view drove up it which kinda ruined the surprise.

i happen to know a pizza place that has live bluegrass every weekend – sounds like it’d be up your alley, right?

– dan

Result: She did not reply

72. July 17, 2013

i feel like inviting someone dangerous to tea could make for an epic tension filled short story. i like the quote and i feel like it makes for a pretty rad life outlook. i’ve never stopped to watch the snails, but i did once spend two hours watching a cow on a three foot high ledge waiting to see how it would get down. it just sat there and eventually i gave up. i do kinda regret giving up.

i just moved to uptown which radically increased my daily walking, running, biking, friend-encountering, etc., and it’s made life a blast.

wanna swap some stories over coffee? i know some really fun places. and if we did it over drinks i’ve got some cool places in mind, too.

let me know.

– dan

Result: She did not reply

73. July 17, 2013

wow – you definitely got around on your trip. i’m planning a europe trip this fall because my buddy won a free trip to switzerland. we’re gonna spend a bunch of time in switzerland because it’s free, but then we’re still figuring out what else we’re gonna do. i think i’d like to see the manchester city-manchester united game and also check out barcelona, but it’s all pretty up in the air. what were your highlights as far as europe went?

i used to be big into hockey but now i’m more of a soccer guy. i was a big hockey fan back in like 2002-2005. you know, back when no one scored goals and there were still ties. it got me used to grinding defensive battles with no excitement, so getting into soccer was a natural fit..

your third picture – looks like you were in a nuclear power plant basement or something. what was the story on that?

Result: We met and went out twice.

74. July 17, 2013

i run into the same problem all the time with people thinking i’m pissed when i have a neutral expression – i look like a really mean guy unless i make a special effort to be super smiley all the time. and it took me years to figure that out – which meant a lot of people had to react negatively towards me for no good reason before i became aware of my facial expressions.

i like your musical taste – eclectic. paul simon’s graceland is one of the best albums ever and the national are doing great stuff. there’s a coffee shop in south minneapolis that plays a ton of al green which opened me up to some of his stuff besides just “i am still in love with you” – and his other stuff is super good.

also true story – i’m dorky enough that i’ve played atc simulators before for fun. though i wasn’t dorky enough to really enjoy playing them very much.

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

75. July 20, 2013

it’s not just hard to casually play off being a pretend smoker in a photo, it’s also really tricky to be a pretend reader. it’d be cool if someone came along when i was in a cafe reading a super hip book, surreptitiously snapped some shots from a flattering angle, and anonymously dropped them in my email account. but a lot of things would be cool.

i don’t have any answers to get you out of the aimless drifting sea of early (or even late) 20-somethingness, but i do like a good art museum, or just hanging out at a coffee shop with someone and reading together. i feel like you could make good company and maybe you’d feel like i would too.

let me know.

Result: She did not reply

76. July 22, 2013

i wonder what kind of cruddy okcupid answers you have to give for the personality bar to say that you’re more old fashioned than average. but i’m reassured that neither of us gave those answers.

this fall i get to take a free trip to switzerland which will be pretty rad. my buddy won an all-expenses paid trip for two and he’s taking me with. we still haven’t figured out our whole agenda for the side trips we’ll take, but since barcelona’s on the shortlist, maybe i could pick up some catalan and we could both speak it poorly to each other in some hip joint around here?

or we could just try it in english first. i’ve got some good travel war stories and i bet you do too.

Result: She did not reply

77. July 25, 2013

Your profile struck me as similar to mine in a lot of ways – although I wasn’t brave enough to admit to the women of the world that I like strategy games. On a scale of 1 to nerdy, how big into them are you? My friends were giving me crap just last night because back in high school I used to play this one game called Axis and Allies..

Your carrots remind me of the corn I grew back in college when I tried to grow corn in the space between the sidewalk and the street because I was bored one day. The squirrels (or whoever) ended up enjoying my efforts much more than I did.

I’d be happy to swap book recommendations with you while eating locally sometime. Maybe the Birchwood Cafe? Let me know.

– Dan

Result: We met and went out once.

78. July 25, 2013

I used to coach a debate team and one year the topic was about alternative energy and we made a case about the importance of using aerating turbines in hydropower to keep aquatic insects alive – because without the aquatic insects the entire ecosystem would collapse. It was fun – my students’ opponents didn’t have much to say in response.

I agree that conversation is more fun when there are divergent viewpoints and you work back towards a consensus – and I love thai food (though it’s been years since I’ve had a steady, reliable go-to place).

Let me know if you think we might get along.

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

79. July 26, 2013

i think you sound like you might be an exciting person to talk to.

the last time i was in new york like driving from the airport into the city my overriding thought as i sped along among the luxury cars on the highway towards manhattan’s formidable skyline was that let’s get real – what will ever be powerful enough to take down capitalism when it has bastions like this. i fear it will take a really big hammer.

i think it might be fun to talk south africa as well. when i went on a study abroad program over there i was really frustrated by the (lack of) dialogue about the ways in which apartheid was still obviously visible. when i think about spatial injustice it’s hard to think of a starker example. what’s you do over there?

– dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

80. July 28, 2013

Is that the Golden Temple? I’m pretty sure it is but when I was over there I never got up to Amritsar so I can’t totally positively ID it.. Working in pharmaceuticals does seem consistent with trips to India, so I’m gonna go ahead and say that’s the Golden Temple.

I haven’t read Into Thin Air yet, but I did have a spell where I was an aimless, disaffected young man and Into the Wild was similarly page-turning-ish when I was in that state of mind.

Are you from here? I have a proud tradition of obtaining degrees that require the absolute minimum of hard sciences – but I do spend a fairly significant amount of time reading about science/medicine, etc. on Wikipedia, so I might actually be able to hang in there if we talked about your work. Or at least my fake knowing nods might seem realistic to you..

– Dan

Result: We met and went out once.

81. July 28, 2013

I feel like both our bookshelves and stomachs (and possibly our ipods) could be good friends.

It’s overwhelming how many books are out there to read and how little time and (unfortunately in a world of continual, insane overstimulation) attention we have to give them. It’s helped that I got rid of cable a while ago and moved to a neighborhood with a lot of late night coffee shops, but my backlog is still years long. You’re ahead of me – the Elegant Universe hasn’t even been cracked off my shelves.

What are you/do you want to go to school for?

Result: She replied, but we did not initially meet. I contacted her again in September 2014 and we went out several times.

82. August 5, 2013

you seem like you’ve got it going on.

here’s one for you: about 7-8 years ago i had a dream where i was driving along an interstate high above a sunny, watery city. seemed miami-ish, despite the fact that i’ve never been there. even though this was before the era of watching videos of dogs turning their heads cutely from the comfort of the palm of your hand while driving, i was apparently not attentive enough to notice that 1. this highway was reallllly high in the air, 2. apparently under construction, and 3. ending abruptly.

my car drove right over the edge and had not quite several but at least a few seconds of hangtime, plummeting downward a distance that was self-evidently going to be hazardous to my health. my only interior reaction was a bit of a miffed “huh, that’s it, eh?” then i hit the water and everything went white.

in contrast, my IRL car accident where i crashed into a car stopped in the middle of the freeway in the dead of night involved many more profane words.

i’ve just gotten to the part in infinite jest where it’s explained how Himself committed suicide with a microwave. i have to admit that i had wondered about the practicalities of it before i hit page 250 or so. i’m liking it a lot – though not as much as i loved the pale king.

also true story – i met a white guy in india who was so bad ass he fooled the tourist attractions into giving him the indian citizen rate because he convinced them he was kashmiri.

where else have your adventures taken you besides places the beatles grew up or worshipped in?

– dan

Result: She did not reply

83. August 5, 2013

I like my humor like I like my mattress in the morning – dry. Luckily I’m not three years old anymore so I have both.

I only ever saw the first episode of Downton Abbey, but you know what I thought? Everyone really should be nicer to Bates. One of these days I’ll come back to watching more of the series, though there’s a lot of books that take priority at the moment. Well, and also Breaking Bad’s final episodes are coming up. What are you reading right now?

Pretty excited to see the National tomorrow night – did you get tickets to the show?

– Dan

Result: We met and went out once.

84. August 20, 2013

What’s German literature’s take on why it’s impossible to be happy in modern society? Is society too decadent? Are we? Does society demand we be false to ourselves? The grinding tedium of work in the industrial economy?

I’m reading Infinite Jest right now (and boy do I not miss an opportunity to tell someone) and broadly put it’s asking the question of what it means to be happy and pursue pleasure and the consequences of the chase for the latter in hopes of the former.

Your profile pic is at the Bad Waitress, right? If you think it’d be fun to meet up and chat I’d propose we go to Eat Street Social right down the block.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

85. August 20, 2013

​Subscribing to the New Yorker is like a microcosm of our own mortality. You know there’s cool stuff going on in there, but damned if you can fit it all in, and the weeks pass by so quickly. And life, like the cartoons, is something one frequently just doesn’t understand.

Your profile makes you seem almost too relatable (beer! trivia! karaoke!). I wonder if you’ve ever been around at a pub quiz I’ve been at, or better yet had the chance to hear me blast out “I Want It That Way” on the karaoke machines from Lyndale to Central Avenue. There’s really only one note I can’t hit in that one. Which karaoke bars are your favs?

Together we may crack the code of how tanks turn. Someday.

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

86. August 27, 2013

Was getting plopped down on the St. Croix river your first time in the area? It’s beautiful country out there, though I’m afraid it’s a little quiet. Not very near any of the good Twin Cities used bookstores..

I once took an English lit grad course called “Thinking the Unthinkable” because the title sounded sweet. We read some fun stuff, but I gotta say, despite faking my way through the discussions, I absorbed nothing at all from the Derrida readings on suffering. What was your senior thesis on? (I did name my fantasy soccer team “Deleuze and Muntari,” in a reference absolutely no one gets)

Hope you’re having fun out there. If you wanna have adventures down in the cities, I bet we could come up with some cool ones together.

– Dan

Result: We met and went out twice.

87. August 28, 2013

let he/she whose profile is without pretension cast the first stone. i’m certainly in no position to judge – though i had high hopes for the overall pretentiousness of your favorite books but you ran out of steam..

i like your fear that listening to podcasts makes you a sociopath. did you know hitler listened exclusively to podcasts after his mother died and he got rejected from art school?

like any other person who has used too much internet i’ve certainly gone ahead and read stoya’s columns on sex/sex work/feminism etc., but i find them a little banal in the way i find dan savage banal. ie, yeah like, porn stars are people. consent is good. slut shaming is wrong. let’s all be down with people doing what they wanna do. though then i read the first few comments on any given youtube video and i’m reminded that yeah, humanity has a ways to go in terms of equality/healthy attitudes towards sexuality/healthy attitudes toward fucking everything.

i like your vibe. i think you might like mine. let me know if i’m right.

– dan

Result: She did not reply

88. August 28, 2013

​How’d you wash up on these shores? Minnesota is actually pretty great in the big scheme of things but I scanned your profile for a hint of a connection to here and I didn’t find it.

Did you bail out on the PhD program because of the critical theory? What was your discipline – that is, if it’s not a sensitive subject to broach. Which come to think of it, it probably is. But still.

You seem like you’d be a fun person to try and find adventures with (is that the Winchester house in your last photo?). If you think I might be too, get in touch.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

89. September 22, 2013

my favorite body type is used up.

you from around here? I’m born and raised here and have a scandinavian last name but i could infiltrate the east coast fairly stealthily if called upon.

i have a pretty good handle on the minneapolis trivia scene. wanna grab a beer and see if we can take down a room of smug hipsters at their own game?

– dan

Result: She did not reply

90. September 24, 2013

i may have some insights to share that could put your mind at ease re: robbing banks. my buddy and i once took a tour of the federal reserve downtown and i’d be lying if i didn’t admit that my brain was more or less in casin’ the joint mode.

i like a lot of the things in your profile – i too have an outsized ego when it comes to electronic big buck hunting, i think comedy is funny, etc. – and i bet you’d feel the same about mine.

let me know if you do.

– dan

Result: She did not reply

91. September 26, 2013

hey,

i like your vibe and think we might get along, whether through talking dfw, wandering around target, or lugging around cameras waiting for beautiful shots to reveal themselves. or all three at the same time.

if you agree, let me know.

Result: She did not reply

92. September 28, 2013

Sounds like you’ve had some really cool experiences – a buddy of mine and I took an ill-conceived mid-March trip to Glacier. It was enchanting but we could only venture like a mile into the park from each side. That was 2007 and I’ve wanted to go back for a long while..

What’d you get out of the Art of Fielding? I’ve picked that up at the bookstore before and I just discovered its author has written a lot about my favorite author, so I’m considering adding it to the pile.

I also have a selfish motive here in messaging you: a new project of mine is gonna be attaining perfect posture. All my life mine’s been piss poor. I had planned on reading the internet, maybe going to the biomedical library’s stacks, maybe hiring a world-renowned posture consultant. But hopefully I can get it for free if we meet up and grab a beer.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

93. September 30, 2013

If I’ve calculated the dates right, you and I both started really trying to get in shape around the same time – October/November 2012. I’ve lost a little more than you have, but proportionately to body weight you’ve climbed a bigger hill. That’s super bad ass and it’d be fun to swap notes on how you did it (and revel in some before/after picture action).

Where’ve you traveled to that affected you most? I’ve been lucky that I’ve been able to spend a solid 8 months on different continents than this one so far in my life and that time has been really meaningful.

I’m right there with you on being in the moment – I just finished a book whose most moving passage (for me) was about the importance of abiding in the present. It’s a sentiment which to a cynic could sound really trite, but kudos to anyone who actually does it because it’s extraordinarily hard. (Here’s the passage if you’re interested – http://theymetatpier39.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-moment-when-infinite-jest-finally.html)

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

94. September 30, 2013

Haven’t signed on since May 8th, huh? Well, here goes a message off into the vastness of space..

Grammar and spelling in themselves aren’t that important to me (though I’m not interested in dating people who are unable to express themselves clearly) but are subjects of fascination. Yesterday I was at Common Good Books and came very close to buying a book about the controversial introduction of Webster’s Third dictionary – the one released in 1961 which featured words like “ain’t,” thus causing a whole broad range of uptight people to get the vapors. Apparently my literary idol and patron saint David Foster Wallace is a Webster’s Third hater – I learned while thumbing through – but the author (of the book) took DFW to task for misrepresenting W3.

All so salacious, eh?

Anyhow, you seem thoughtful, fun, and more or less on the wavelength of what I’m looking for in potential lovers/friends. If you ever check OkCupid anymore, you should get in touch.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

95. September 30, 2013

though i agree with you that a lot of what’s in your profile is pretty general, i think our ethoses would vibe together pretty well.

how have you lived by the seat of your pants before? in my travels i’ve never made reservations for anything besides plane tickets – i’ve touched down at the airport, walked out the front door, picked at random one of the many taxi drivers swarming me, and said “take me to a hotel” with a flourish and then that’s when things get fun.

where was your third picture taken? it looks cool and old world-y.

– dan

Result: She replied…like four months later. We never met.

96. September 30, 2013

what were the books you read when you read real books? what are the textbooks you read now? (well, really the meaning of that question is: what are you in grad school for?)

i’ve never had absinthe but i once watched a 3 hour documentary (available on netflix!) with no dialogue about carthusian monks called “into great silence” and that inspired me to buy a bottle of chartreuse. it tasted like pine needles soaked in vodka.

perhaps you can let me know if absinthe is any better.

ps. i’ve got you beat by six states. but i do have an unfair head start.

Result: She did not reply

97. September 30, 2013

let me extend a welcoming hand to minneapolis st. paul and the largely brutalist, hideous, 70s energy-efficiency-uber-alles campus of the university of minnesota.

i spent seven years of my life on that campus and i feel a tinge of sadness that you will have to endure a similar amount of time there. nothing against the school as an academic institution – just in physical terms kind of a cruddy set of buildings.

what are you doing your work on? i took a grad course in engl lit back in law school with tony brown that was pretty fun. and in my weaker moments i’ve toyed with the thought of going for an mfa.

also – were you in a aka band? 15 year old you’s shirt and hair c. 1999 says ska band to me. just a guess.

– dan

Result: She replied, but did not meet

98. September 30, 2013

i have a lot of strong opinions about channa masala. most places don’t do it right. too oniony, too tomato-y, chickpeas undercooked – there are a lot of ways under the sun to screw it up, and luckily i’ve done the relevant taste testing.

i like your vibe and i think you’d like mine too. i was gonna message you earlier this summer but i think you were still in france so like, what’s the point.

coincidentally, though i don’t toe a hardline anti-pant agenda, i did bail out on mine prior to booting up the ol okc. and with regards to MPDGs, i’ll go on record as not having a thing at all for natalie portman in garden state.

i bet we could have fun hanging out. let me know if you agree.

Result: We met and went out on many dates.

99. October 4, 2013

i appreciate the caption on your second photo. i just uploaded a new one today and i really don’t think anyone cares what sassy things you have to say about your photo, as long as you look hot in it.

oak ridge does plant research? what does that have to do with maintaining an overwhelming ability to nuke the rest of the world?

i dig your musical taste. i’m at a real trashy bar off como by the U right now doing karaoke. i’ve got ignition (remix) by r kelly coming up in the queue. it’s gonna be sweet.

if you feel me get in touch.

– dan

Result: She did not reply

100. October 6, 2013

I’m riding a little bit of a high right now, soccerwise, because after several years of getting absolutely stomped on, my team is kinda tearing it up in the lowest level Minneapolis parks coed league. We’ve only lost one game this fall! Did you play competitively in HS or college? Because if you did I definitely wanna know you for selfish coed-potential reasons..

I actually happened to end up at karaoke bars both last night and Friday night. I’m not actually that into it – plus when I did Ignition (Remix) by R. Kelly some random dude who was drunker than I was came up and totally harshed my flow.

If you wanna hang out some time and we get along, I’ll let you in on the secret of the place here that has the spiciest food I’ve ever experienced. They have a 1 to 11 scale (for some reason) and I ordered it at spice level 5 and let’s just say a lot of sweat and snot that wasn’t expecting to go anywhere that night got to taste freedom early.

Also I’m guessing the photo with your dad is…Turkey?

Result: She did not reply

101. October 7, 2013

Slate.com, just like graduate students and the gym, is the worst. This one time in conversation I wanted to show off my erudition by bringing up a Slate article I’d read but after I’d already committed to the anecdote, I realized that like every Slate article ever, I’d immediately clicked the link upon seeing the headline, scanned it for 15-25 seconds, and then promptly forgotten why it’s more ethical to eat meat than be vegan, why I should never (EVER!) put two spaces after a period, or why the made up concept of thigh gap is so profoundly problematic.

Anyhow, don’t mean to use up my entire quota of opening repartee venting my love/hate relationship with a current affairs/lifestyle/politics website. I’m always looking for awesome cultural ways to not be at my apartment – and seven days a week is a lot of not being at my apartment to fill. I’m more a regular at Bull Run and Common Roots than the Spyhouse, but I can also be seen around town going to Drinkin’ Spelling Bees (got eliminated in round 4 on “stria” on Saturday), exploring the frontiers of my magnetic sexuality singing R. Kelly songs at karaoke, and staring down at my smartphone on any given street corner in Uptown.

I think we’d get along. I like overthinkers. I like to think I am one.

Result: She did not reply

102. October 7, 2013

at my favorite coffee shop all the baristas just hang out there even when they’re off their shifts and i asked one about it yesterday and she said why hang out anywhere else. which, since i go there all the time, i agree with.

plus it’s really cool to be able to pick the music for the whole place. which is basically why i want to open up a coffee shop/bar/coffee shop bar. so seems like a decent place to ride out some soul searching.

speaking of my big fat american gypsy wedding, that one dressmaker really basically hit the jackpot when she figured out how to get every bride to hire her to make an unbelievably ridiculous dress.

hope you make the breakthroughs your looking for re: soul. let me know if you wanna hang out and maybe search together.

– dan

Result: She did not reply

103. October 7, 2013

Right now is a really great (small) window of time as far as changing seasons goes – I really like sweater weather and the tough part about topsy-turvy Minnesota weather is that it could be 75 and sunny within a week or so of a snowstorm. So I have to abide in the present, live in the now, or whatever, when it comes to enjoying sweater weather.

What are your goals? I spent a year in high school debate arguing about how to increase academic achievement in secondary schools. I still don’t have a lot of bright ideas when it comes to education policy (except to reform the ridiculously unequal funding mechanisms in place in most of the country). What are yours/the ideas of your non-profit?

Result: She did not reply

104. October 8, 2013

Hey, we matched on Tinder but contacting you through here is a radically less stupid way to get in touch.

We seem to share at least one thing in common: being vegetarian but not because we have a ravenous appetite for kale. Is it an ethical thing for you?

Also: some of my best friends are in improv and public health. None that are in both simultaneously though. Maybe one day.

Hope to hear back before it’s December and the stress of not-shoveling-enough has become too debilitating..

Result: She did not reply

105. October 8, 2013

You know what I feel like is a sentiment that is risky to express on an online dating website? “I don’t know what I wanna be when I grow up.” Any display of insecurity about one’s place in the world, life path, or success seems to kill the magic for a lot of people. But I feel like it’s the “I love what I’m doing and I’m entirely self-assured people” that are ignorant about how big the world is, how high a ladder there is to climb to achieve excellence in anything, and the difficulty of sustaining happiness from reaching for and grabbing brass rings.

Anyhow. We might be on the same page re: what I just wrote above.

I also think doubt benefit giving is in enormously short supply everywhere.

Seems like you’ve got a healthy way of looking at life and I share a lot of your tastes. Wanna meet up and see if we get along?

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

106. October 20, 2013

I think I read in the Guardian recently that St. Petersburg is a top spot in the world for vegetarian dining – which seemed really counterintuitive. Is that true?

I think I’ve stumbled across your profile before – you’re radiantly pretty – but what brings you to mine? You have a connection to Minnesota?

Result: She replied, but we did not meet. She uh, lives in St. Petersburg, Russia.

107. October 24, 2013

Though I know what actuaries are, after reading your profile I decided to read the Wikipedia entry, which led me to the entry for Fictional Actuaries –http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fictional_actuaries – which is a pretty hilariously specific thing for there to be an entry on.

Upon reading a little bit more about it, it seems like a career that might be pretty interesting, contrary to my impressions before digging a little bit more into what they do. Any specific market you wanna focus on?

Result: She did not reply

108. October 24, 2013

Did you go to the Twin Cities Book Festival about a week ago? It was pretty rad – I talked to some book nerd friends of mine and they told me which publishers’ tables to go to and I got myself some new books that it will take me years to get around to reading. But it occurred to me that just maybe you wouldn’t need to move away to break into publishing.

Did you go to Pomona? My favorite author ever used to teach there – from which I can infer that they probably put together one hell of an English department besides just him.

Maybe we can get together some time and compete to see who’s more liberal and/or feminist. I might win!

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

109. October 24, 2013

So I moved to Uptown a few month ago and it’s kinda living the dream. Every time I walk out my front door I run into friends, everything is walkable or bikeable, and I’ve become a regular at a couple places – including the coffee shop in whose bathroom something like 25% of my profile pics were taken.

Anyhow, I’m starting to get the whole community thing. I’ve made some buddies at my favorite coffee shop, including a 55 year-oldish teacher who used to be a commodities trader in New York. We’ve been having a bunch of good conversations and lately we’ve been swapping war stories about the dating world. He, like most older folks, doesn’t super get the normal conventions of texting. (Do your parents text? My and my friends’ parents all text like 12 year-olds) He also gets into lengthy text message repartees and I’ve tried to explain to him how bad of an idea that is. Like, it’s super hard to establish a rhythm of conversation, jokes are so easily misinterpreted, you can’t get any nonverbal feedback, etc.

Which is all to say – I completely agree that texting should basically just be a scheduling vehicle.

Coincidentally, that buddy of mine keeps telling me I must read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. But I’ve got a huge backlog I’m already going through..

Are we allowed to go to Cuba yet, or are you gonna be an International Woman of Mystery and sneak in through Canada or something?

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

110. October 24, 2013

I’ve been hitting the carbonated water pretty hard lately. About a year ago I decided to really shape up and get healthy, so I stopped drinking pop (among other changes) and La Croix has proved to be a real game changer.

What’d you do in Thailand? See some tigers in the jungle? Find Nirvana? See the stuff Rihanna just tweeted about recently?

Result: She did not reply

111. October 24, 2013

I made a post on a blog joking about how to translate online dating profiles, and I think you’d appreciate at least part of it. It goes like this:

“I love to travel.” = “I got wasted on my study abroad program in Scotland, and that was pretty awesome.”

“I really love to travel.” = “My family is rich.”

Coincidentally, I’ve been to exactly 7 countries besides the US, too.

Your latest project yoga pose really is pretty darn impressive.

You seem like someone who’s pretty big into health and wellness – and being vegetarian is pretty well and healthy. I used to think being vegetarian was hard, but it’s not really (I’ve been one for 13 years now). You just have to be a wee bit strategic about where you go and what you buy. I know some pretty awesome places where vegetarian eating is fun.

Maybe you’d like to join me?

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

112. October 24, 2013

I wonder if I ever played you this summer or fall in soccer. My teams were on Sunday mornings at Parade Park this summer and Sunday nights at Neiman this fall.

You might remember my teams as the ones that lost a bunch. Though after three years of never winning, we actually did win some games this fall and finish in the top half playoffs which basically made me feel like this – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RubBzkZzpUA

Why do people look at you strangely at dive bars? How divey we talking? One of the dumps in NE where the *best* thing they serve on tap is Grain Belt?

Result: She did not reply

113. October 24, 2013

I would also like to make my way into the hipster scene.

Here are the steps I’ve taken so far: move to Uptown, replace car with bike for all major travel – except work :(, become regular at the right coffee shop, grow beard, replace most major calorie sources with craft beer.

It’s kinda been working.

Where’d you move from? What have your strategies been to earn hipster cred?

Result: She did not reply

114. October 25, 2013

My memory of going snowshoeing once in 6th grade is that it was way less chilled out and relaxing than I thought it’d be – I recall each step involving lifting a foot the felt like it was made out of lead. But then again, maybe I was just kinda weak when I was in 6th grade.

The one time I went surfing was similar – I always thought that because surfer dudes were super laid back and chill that surfing would be the same. Instead it was profoundly frustrating and exhausting. The dude who was coaching me gave me the excellent lesson of “now…STAND UP!” Which, yeah, I was trying to.

What are your 90s jams? I was just talking with someone about how Eagle Eye Cherry should go on tour and just make the tickets cheap and play “Save Tonight” three or four times in a row and everyone would go home happy. Also, as I grow older, I’ve been discovering that absolutely no one doesn’t like the hits off Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill.

Result: She did not reply

115. October 30, 2013

You’re really good at making sushi even though you’re vegetarian? I’m veg too so I’ve always kinda just thought I’m left out of the sushi fun. What do you make?

I had a really awesome run of concerts this summer I went to – I saw all three of what are basically my fav bands, two of them on back to back nights. In June I got to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and on two nights in a row in August I saw the National and Vampire Weekend. What kind of shows have you been to recently?

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

116. November 19, 2013

What’s an adventure you’ve been on recently?

My most exciting one recently involved driving an hour and a half away to smell a flower that only blooms for a day or two every three years and emits the stench of rotting meat/feet/etc. to attract flies.

I didn’t actually think it smelled that badly.

Have you found a place in the Twin Cities where you really like the chai yet?

Result: She did not reply

117. November 19, 2013

I remember when I showed up for my first day of a full-time job and the boss kept me there until 10 PM and I thought “awesome, only 45 years of career left to go.” But they can’t be keeping your nose too tightly to the grindstone if you get to log on to Okcupid during the afternoon. Is your job awesome, boring, or are you undecided?

I liked the Brothers Karamazov and stuff by Chekhov, but sometimes there’s such an opportunity cost for reading the thicker Russian tomes. When I was studying abroad my buddy and I hung out on our spring break and he committed to (and finished!) War and Peace. But in the time it took him to read it, I plowed through like four or five other books. What other dystopian lit have you read besides 1984?

You just move here? If so, that makes my life easier because I can score more cool points with my recommendations because you’d be a blank slate.

Let me know if you’d like me to make some.

Result: She did not reply

118. November 22, 2013

I met someone once who did tree ID competitively in tournaments. I thought that was really cool. Did you do that?

I like some of the same nerdy things you appear to like – for example, I am anti-Comic Sans (like everyone is) and I do have a real soft spot for Helvetica.

Care to grab a coffee and talk unrealistic plans and aspirations? I’ve got plenty of those myself..

– Dan

Result: We met and went out once

119. November 25, 2013

How’d you end up in Minnesota? It’s a great place to live – and there’s a lot of culture and amazing stuff – but if I weren’t from America, I’d be hanging out in New York or San Francisco, myself..

I’m going to Switzerland for the first time in two weeks. Maybe before then we could hang out and do a little cultural exchanging? I know the best bars and coffee shops here, so if you’re gonna be around a while get in touch.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

120. November 29, 2013

One of the saddest things ever to happen to me is when they banned people without tickets from going into airport terminals. When I was a bored teenager I used to just go down to the airport and wander around at like 3 am on the people movers and look at all the cool destinations and dream.

So what I’m saying is I like airports too.

I’m in Chicago for Thanksgiving and I leave tomorrow, but I’d like to have some company for a low key drink somewhere on the town. I’m in the south loop right now and if you were in my hometown – Minneapolis – I’d have a million recommendations. But I’m not from here, so I’ll leave the bright ideas up to you.

You look gorgeous – particularly in your 2nd pic.

Let me know if you’d like to have a one off meeting.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

121. December 19, 2013

You couldn’t live without the mountains? What the heck are you doing here?

Is hating frozen yogurt really a dealbreaker? If it is, that’s pretty rad. In this day and age, a person’s got to have principles, you know?

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

122. December 19, 2013

You lived in Thailand for a few years? That’s a long time to live abroad – it’s not nbd. What’d you do there? The time I spent abroad one of the things I missed the most was not really something I’d predict I’d be pining for – Mexican food. Everywhere outside the US (except Mexico, presumably) does it terribly.

I think it’s super cool that when you look up at the stars you’re seeing light from all different moments in time. I once bought a telescope with the idea that I’d try to track down a star that was the precise number of light years away such that I could take a friend out to the middle of nowhere, plop down the telescope, point it at that star and say hey – that’s the light that the star was putting out the moment you were born.

Turns out that’s actually pretty hard to coordinate..

I like coffee and restaurants. Let me know if you do too.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

123. December 19, 2013

Well, this is kinda awkward, and I feel bad for saying this, and I don’t mean to offend you, but could you pass my name along to your friend in the Halloween photo? I normally don’t do this..

I also spend a lot of time thinking about Metta World Peace.

I think there’s just about no song ever that can’t be made better through the addition of like a Hammond organ. Do you actually jam out on an old school electric organ? Some buddies of mine are opening a coffee shop where they’re gonna have live electric organ music playing on like Sundays. I’m super pumped.

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

124. December 23, 2013

What is instinctual happiness? My own fear is that joy, bliss, etc., is impossible to permanently enjoy as a matter of base level biochemistry, leaving aside the instability of human relationships, impermanence of accomplishments, the capriciousness of our own desires, and a lot of other bummer with a capital B factors.

So if you’ve cracked the code on how to be happy from within forever I’d be up for hearing about it. I’d settle for attaining equanimity myself. The best book I’ve ever read, and the best book I’ve read on the subject is Infinite Jest. Most important book to me.

I’m a bibliophile/possible bibliomaniac. Depends on how charitable you wanna be. Here’s my library of 1000+ books sitting in my living room: (redacted) – what’s yours like?

I bet we’d have awesome travel stories to swap. Can’t tell if we’ve been to the same countries, but you’ve been to some I’ve never been to. Wanna grab some tea and share ’em?

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

125. December 24, 2013

Where’ve you had the chance to go and get new perspectives? When I was in undergrad I spent a semester in India and it was the coolest/most intense thing I’ve done in my life. The idea was to go to the place that was least like the US where I wouldn’t have to learn another language. I got half of what I wanted – but I was wrong when I thought English was widely spoken there..

I like your vibe. I feel like you might like mine too. Let me know if you do.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

126. December 24, 2013

I think it’s super fascinating that the light from each star is coming from a different time from throughout history – what hits my eye from one is coming from when Abraham Lincoln was president and the light from another dates back to before humans existed. It’s crazy – you ever taken a telescope out to the countryside where it’s REALLY dark? You can see awesome stuff.

Who makes you feel misunderstood?

Result: She did not reply

127. February 4, 2014

I always thought because surfers seem all laid back and chill that surfing would be a relaxing kinda thing to do. Boy was that wrong – the first time I went surfing I paddled out and managed to get up on the board and it was awesome. Then I paddled out like 8 more times and never once managed to get up again. It was totally worth doing – but it was exhausting!

What was your experience like? Were you better at getting up and staying up than me?

Maybe we could go be snobs about vegetarianism together sometime. (We can keep it a secret from everyone else on here) I know the good places – the Chinese/Thai restaurants where it still tastes good without the fish sauce, the Indian joints where the naan’s the best, etc.

I like your vibe. I think we could have fun.

– Dan

Result: We met and went out twice

128. February 11, 2014

Seems like we have a bunch in common – as well as a lot to argue about. Sparks could fly or it could turn into a total trainwreck.

Though in my experience people with a debate background just come to see the world very differently from those who didn’t spend years being forced to switch sides and argue compellingly for positions they intensely disagree with, so I bet we’d have fun.

Care to join me for a drink? I’ll suggest Minneapolis’s fake speakeasy if you’ve never been. Its entrance is an unmarked door, so you have to know it’s there to go there. Best cocktails in town.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

129. February 12, 2014

i was interviewed live on wcco radio once and it was pretty terrifying to think of how many people were listening to what i said and to imagine their reactions to every “uhh…” or verbal stumble or tic i had. while i was waiting to go on i listened to the show proceed and i reflected on how remarkable it is for the on air talent to be able to just smoothly talk and fill air for huge stretches – and producing and avoiding dead air and lining up segments/callers/etc. must be really stressful as well.

what kind of show do you produce?

Result: She did not reply

130. February 12, 2014

Minneapolis is pretty small sometimes. Last summer I went to the Memory Lanes Block Party and Sean Anonymous was doing a set. He brought on another MC who was pretty smooth named Phillip Morris. I liked the set but didn’t think much more about it.

Like a month later I was walking out the front door of my apartment and this guy comes out of the next door and I was like…uh, are you Phillip Morris? And it was. Turns out he’s my neighbor now and he’s a pretty cool guy.

So that’s my claim to fame in the local hiphop scene.

What’s your next trip gonna be? What brought you to Turkey? I’m headed out to Switzerland in a month because my buddy won a free trip for two there which is about the coolest thing to ever happen in my life.

Result: She did not reply

131. February 12, 2014

Where do you night swim?

I was pretty proud of myself this summer when I found a convenient way to jump in the Mississippi in downtown. The water was really calm and refreshing on a hot night.

Thought I’d say hi before the a taste of the hand model game puts you out of reach for us non-famous folks.

Result: She did not reply

132. February 12, 2014

Have you ever gotten a confirmed missed connection for yourself?

When I told my friend about how I occasionally check them to see if anyone in the city has been pining for me and she started browsing them, she got one posted for her within like a week. I’ve never gotten one. Sad face, eh?

I like everything Jake Rudh plays on the Current – synth-y 80s stuff is super crucial. What’s the dance night like?

Result: She did not reply

133. February 12, 2014

hey – i think we think and feel a lot of the same things (though you express it all more irreverently than i do).

i checked our music collections (redacted) and lastfm says our compatibility is “very high.” which actually doesn’t mean a heck of a lot.

doing authentic, novel things is a big part of my life. wanna talk scholarly articles over gimmicky cocktails? want to spell big words over beer? (i wanna do the 331’s drunk spelling bee this saturday and i’m looking for a date) wanna get pizza and listen to live bluegrass (at the same time!??!)?

let me know.

– dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

134. February 13, 2014

i respect your bravery regarding the most private thing you’re willing to admit. not everyone would be willing to put themselves out there like that.

all snark aside, i like your vibe. i think your ipod and my ipod could be friends. i suck at rock climbing, but i’m determined to learn.

wanna get a drink at the bryant lake bowl? (or maybe some of my other favs like the marvel bar, the chatterbox, or muddy waters)

– dan

Result: She did not reply

135. February 13, 2014

Is there room for one more in the post-law school-career-disenchantment-blues boat? You at least got to enjoy natural sunlight during your three year stint. Mine was spent in what’s little more than a glorified basement.

I like discussing (or yeah, let’s be real – debating) the world and social issues that matter, and I’m not getting a hell of a lot of that in my job at the moment. I feel like we might be on the same page on a lot of things, philosophically speaking.

And hey, if nothing else, I’m WAYYY ahead of you on the hermit thing. I’ve even picked my isolated island and priced out the ocean passage to get there (no planes fly there).

If you think there might be enough for a match here, get in touch.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

136. February 13, 2014

Ha – I appreciate that you clarify that you had gluten sensitivity “before it was cool,” so to speak. Have you taken flak for that before? I definitely respect that you avoid meat despite your other dietary restrictions since I know how much of a pain it can be to desire food you can’t have.

If we get together and meet, ask me about the period in my life where I tried to live on a vegan, no carb, no soy diet. That was a barrel full of fun.

What kind of music does your 90s kick consist of? I have a visceral love of 80s music which ultimately probably just comes down to it having subconscious associations with young, joyful, carefree childhood. What’s the 90s stuff you really like and why?

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

137. February 14, 2014

Hiya,

I respect that you’ve thrown yourself into a new culture and I know it’s really hard to learn a new language. I spent 5 months in India so I know what it’s like to feel like an outsider.

I know a little bit about Poland. I follow football and I’ve watched Robert Lewandowski and Wojciech Szczesny play games before – and I even spelled their names right!

My mom’s husband was born and grew up in Poland, too – he lived in Lodz but moved to the US after world war 2.

If you will tell me about your perspective on the United States I’d be happy to help with your English! But I bet you don’t need as much help as you think you do..

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

138. February 14, 2014

Sounds like you went to the French immersion school in Edina. Wonder what your thoughts are on growing up in Edina. I grew up there, went to the schools (for part of my schooling), and worked at the HS. It’s a bit of a strange place.

I think people who eventually come around to the fear that they’re overthinking are generally preferable to the blithe kinda folks who float on by never really thinking about anything. Then again the whole crux of the issue there is that how the heck can we ever know what’s a “normal” interior mental state, right? A passage from my favorite author comes to mind here: http://www.theshortform.com/story/good-old-neon

Craft beer and Uptown are what I’m all about, pretentious or not. I feel like we might get along well. I’d consider it an honor if I could get a taciturn Minnesotan-Scandinavian to either admit they’re good at something, share something private, or (if I want to get really ambitious) both.

Get in touch if you agree.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

139. February 16, 2014

What kind of experiences did you have where you struggled to convince people that you were strong despite being small? You get written off because of your small stature?

Last night I was kinda pleased because I got asked if I was a med student. I was at a drinking spelling bee in northeast and I made it to the last round by being asked to spell “prodrome.” The judges didn’t seem particularly knowledgeable about how to say it and I’d never heard it before, but after I got it right someone said it’s a medical word so they figured I was a med student/doctor. You ever go to the 331 club in your tour of NE hot spots?

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

140. February 21, 2014

How’d you end up journeying to the Taj Mahal? What brought you there?

I spent five months over there in India and I never did make it to Agra. Part of me regrets it, though part of me also definitely kinda gets a kick out of saying I didn’t see it. It’s a bit like going to France and never laying eyes upon the Eiffel Tower..

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

141. February 22, 2014

You in seminary right now? What have you been studying/reading while there?

Also I’m jealous of your travels in Utah. I really wanted to stop at some of the national parks last time I drove through there but the time of day just didn’t work out very well.

Result: She did not reply

142. February 26, 2014

2666 is pretty high on my stack of things to read right now. Though my stack of things to read is really quite immense.

I distracted myself from the immensity of tackling my book backlog by reorganizing my shelves by color. It turned out looking very pleasing to the eye.

I think doing things. I like writers. I’m a wannabe one myself.

Wanna talk ideas sometime?

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

143. February 27, 2014

Where in Europe are you from? Why’d you end up in Minnesota?

I agree – filling these profiles out is a pain.

I’m a Minnesota native living in the best part of town. If you have ideas of what you’re into, I’ll do my best to steer you in the direction of what’s fun and unique.

Result: She did not reply

144. February 28, 2014

If you look closely at my photos you’ll see I’m wearing a Cal hat in one of them.

Unfortunately I didn’t go there – I just coached some kids at a debate tournament there a couple of times. But next lifetime I definitely want to apply.

How you adjusting to our absolutely awful weather? I hope you really like your program you’re in, otherwise I imagine it’s been heavy sledding, to to speak after lounging out in 24/7/365 room temperature in the Bay Area..

Result: She did not reply

145. March 6, 2014

I wrote a paper on Bartleby the Scrivener back in college. He was a bad ass dude – and the way Melville wrote about the difficulties of combatting his passive defiance were really prescient. All it really would take to bring the system down is everyone doing what Bartleby did.

Word.

You seem pretty cool. I think we’re on a pretty similar page about books and life. Let me know if you might wanna chill sometime.

Result: She did not reply

146. March 12, 2014

I dig your “I’m sitting on a panel onstage but nbd” composure in your second pic.

I’m just passing through LA this week so I’m not exactly in the market for a gf but I like your vibe and if you’d like to link up for a coffee for one fleeting afternoon I think that’d be fun. Your absurdist self-summary in particular is pretty rad. I’d be curious to know what online dating in a city this huge is like.

Also I listened to basically nothing besides Jive Talkin’ this week after deciding to download some more Bee Gees.

If you’re up for it let me know. My number’s (redacted).

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

147. March 13, 2014

You from the Twin Cities or from LA? I’m from Minneapolis but I’m at LAX right now and it says you’re nearby.

My buddy and I were just talking about our friend who’s in the peace corps in Vanuatu. How’d your stint go?

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

148. March 15, 2014

how’d you pick up fluent spanish? spend a bunch of time abroad?

i really wish i’d kept up with my french, or actually paid attention in french in college instead of just ogling the cute women in my classes. i’m in switzerland right now (jet lagged! surfing okcupid at 5:57 am!) and while i don’t mumble much in english, i am just good enough at french to pass for fluent in the first few verbal exchanges before the floodgates open and the other person launches into full blown conversation and i sheepishly have to be like uh, jk.

i like being reckless on the weekend. how do you do it?

Result: She did not reply

149. March 16, 2014

If you’re a fan of Saturday mornings, perhaps you’re not a big connoisseur of Saturday nights, but have you ever gone to Ball’s Cabaret at the Southern Theater? If you like plays in small venues it doesn’t disappoint. It’s totally open mic and you can do or perform absolutely anything. It was awesome. Last time I went, a man in drag read reviews of items on Walmart.com, a teenager read some painfully earnest spoken word, and a bunch of gawky 20-something dudes did pretty good standup. Might be up your alley.

Whatcha climbing in your last photo?

Ps – I was a big fan of the End of the Affair. Had a big Graham Greene binge back in the day. I also really enjoyed The Heart of the Matter.

Result: She did not reply

150. March 16, 2014

Hiya – this isn’t like my routine pickup line or something (because it’s rarely true) but I feel like our profiles on here just about directly paraphrase each other’s. I see a lot of striking parallels and you might feel the same way about mine.

I’m not 100% a Buddhist because I don’t necessarily see Buddhism as offering a compelling path toward something, but I’m definitely on the same page when it comes to the necessity of understanding that the world (both globally and personally) is inherently unstable and ever changing, and that our orientation toward attachment and desire can give us some control over the joy and sadness we end up experiencing. Though I get the irony of extolling the virtues of non-attachment as I message someone on an online dating site 🙂

Perhaps there could be a romantic connection between us – as it’s not always super easy to find someone who shares particular spiritual values (I have some good war stories about that). Your point about wanting to meet someone you can share yourself fully with reminded me of this passage from one of my favorite author’s stories – http://strandedyoungster.wordpress.com/2014/02/13/mister-squishy-in-david-foster-wallace-oblivion/

Wanna get together sometime? Perhaps a walk around Lake Calhoun now that it’s getting less awful outside all the time?

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

151. March 16, 2014

The universe is sweet. You ever checked out Bill Bryson’s A Short History of Nearly Everything? It’s super compelling and it’s written at a level of explanation and simplicity that a dummy like me can understand it. Even if you think I’m totally ugly and undatable, go pick up a copy if you haven’t read it.

Uptown’s for sure the right place in town to live. What are your spots? This winter I’ve been holing up in Common Roots like 3-4 times a week and I’m a big fan of Muddy Waters and the BLB.

Maybe we could take a walk around Calhoun sometime. I’m about to be in England later this week so I’ll try to run into Karl Pilkington and I’ll let you know if he’s actually an Idiot or if it’s all just an act.

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

152. March 16, 2014

Head cheese really is terrifying. At least they chose a name that sounds like it’d be awful, rather than the other scary meats that have bucolic, pleasant sounding names (sweetbreads, black pudding, etc). I used to kinda fear going by the butcher cabinet at grocery stores because head cheese was always there and looked so terrible.

Anyhow! My interests go beyond merely fearing organ meat. I’ve been meaning to link up with the Minnesota literacy council for a while here to volunteer in their literacy classes – I was thinking about the ESL stuff or possibly teaching GED English classes. Right now I’m in a French-speaking place and bumbling my way through decently, but it is a continually humbling experience to return to the language capability of like a native speaking elementary school student.

You working on any writing projects? Usually Morris kids are pretty cool in my experience..

– Dan

Result: We met and went out once

153. March 16, 2014

How’s singing on the subway when you feel like it worked out for you? Usually in New York when someone does that it’s time for everyone else to engage in competitive staring at the floor and hope the guy doesn’t make eye contact with you. But then again, it’s always been vaguely menacing and/or insane guys in my experience, never cute women. And our light rail here really can’t compare..

Just wanted to say hi. If you feel like venturing to the local raw vegan place, getting a cup of pretty decent local coffee, or going ice skating on a Saturday night sometime, come hang out with me. I’d love to show you around.

– Dan

Result: We met and went out twice.

154. March 18, 2014

You might be one of the few people on here to recognize that my user name is merely my first and last names, rather than a reference to pot or possibly some weird Hawaiian thing.

Eating apple cores does indeed require a certain degree of sisu. Why you so into Finnish stuff? That related to your social research?

Result: She did not reply

155. March 18, 2014

Where’ve you escaped to recently? Where do you want to?

Are you in Switzerland in your snow pic? That’s where I am now and it’s a blast but as usual with continental Europe being a vegetarian is kinda hard/a drag here. The idea of food conceived of and made to be delicious in the first instance without meat is totally – pardon the expression – foreign here.

I like CSCL people. I find my politics and ideas about life usually align well with them – why’d you pick that major?

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

156. March 21, 2014

I’m just passing through London but I wanted to meet a British woman before I leave. There’s a couple around here to choose from so I decided to search by keyword “David Foster Wallace” because I figure you have to be highly erudite and pretentious (in the way I like) to name drop him in a profile. That’s what brought me to you..

Wanna hang out before I leave on Tuesday? Obviously that’s not a lot of time to let true love blossom, but I could show you pictures of my bookcases at home and they’re so full it’d probably make the afternoon worth your while.

This is your town – maybe you could think of something awesome to do that I’d never be able to come up.

Also right on about the Weakerthans – they’re one of my top 5 all time favorite bands.

Result: She did not reply

157. March 21, 2014

I’ve been reading my way through the David Foster Wallace corpus in the last year – both primary and secondary texts – and from your list of favorite fiction authors it certainly seems like you have been too. I recognize his rivals/contemporaries as well as authors he respected/was influenced by.

What’s your favorite Wallace stuff? His short story stuff can be fucking superb, if somewhat uneven. I wish I could pick and choose stories from Oblivion and BIWHM and put them together and thrust them into the hands of everyone I know.

I read The Corrections immediately after Infinite Jest and it unfortunately paled in comparison. I still want to get around to Freedom. I also began CivilWarLand in Bad Decline and I dug it.

I’m only in London for a few days, but if you’ve been here for a while, wanna go on a whirlwind literary tour – with you setting the itinerary (because I know nothing about this town), let me know.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

158. March 21, 2014

I’m visiting London for a few days and I wanted to go out for an afternoon or an evening with a Brit. I searched OkCupid for women who like David Foster Wallace since he’s super influential on how I see life and if you’ve read him, I bet you see life the way I see it.

You seem cool and if you’d be up for showing an American around for an afternoon, get in touch.

PS – is your last photo in India? I spent time there too.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

159. March 21, 2014

Banter between my friends and me consists largely of quotes from the Simpsons.

I’m an American just passing through London and I’m trying to hang out with someone for like an afternoon or something and I came across you. Saw what you said about depression and I wanted to recommend reading Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace. Saddest book I’ve ever read (strangely while simultaneously the funniest), and it offered the most compelling, affecting take on dealing with/transcending sadness I’ve ever read. The guy himself was clinically depressed and on antidepressants for nearly all his life – which I think gives him a ton of credibility on the subject.

I rather dislike patriarchy and capitalism (though combatting which comes before combatting the other??) and I don’t eat meat either.

Let me know if you might be up for a serendipitous afternoon together before I leave on Tuesday. And if you’re not up for it and think I’m absolutely hideous, still check out David Foster Wallace anyway. He kinda changed my life.

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

160. March 21, 2014

If you’re ever in Minneapolis there’s a monthly event hosted by the University in a dark bar where lectures about political/world social issues get discussed. I usually cycle there, and I don’t typically get rum but you could.

All of this is to say I’m on the tourist beat in London this weekend and I’d like to meet a kindred spirit to spend an afternoon with – someone who knows what’s really cool/genuine/authentic to do around here. You seem like you might know.

Maybe it could just be a cup of coffee somewhere. I could listen to your British accent for hours – and believe me, I can hold up my end of the conversation as well.

Let me know if you might be up for a light, serendipitous encounter with an American. I’m here until Tuesday.

– Dan

Result: We met and went out twice.

161. March 26, 2014

You seem clever. If I were remaining in LA for more than another 5 hours, I’d ask you to hang out.

But I’m headed back to Minneapolis momentarily. You dissed yoga though – that’s cool. I did too in my blog about online dating. Check it out if you feel like it:https://onehundredproblems.com/2013/10/18/cracking-the-code/

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

162. March 27, 2014

I’m just coming down from the excitement of my last big adventure – ie, I just got home last night. What a bummer it is! What was your last adventure and what will your next one be?

I’ve been meaning to read Zadie Smith for some time now; she’s a big fan of my favorite writer so if she was influenced by him, I bet she’s really good. How you feeling it so far?

Result: She did not reply

163. April 3, 2014

I once got lashed in the face by Andrew WK’s hair back in the day. He called everyone up on stage because he was filming a video and I’m still pretty proud of my crowd navigation skills that got me right up against him, instead of the 500 other sweaty dudes who were desperately trying to do the same.

That said, even though I’m nearly certain that’s your costume, before I spend a pile of money on you I’m curious what the idea behind the thrust of your profile. Intuitively I feel like the smile in a bunch of your photos is deeply at odds with the hyperbolic nihilism of the profile – and if the point is to like, subvert the form of the online dating profile, or sass the shit out of it rather than make an attempt to meet cool people, why bother?

I’m not your mom or whatever so you def don’t owe me an explanation, but I am just wondering.

Result: She did not reply

164. April 13, 2014

What drew you to gender studies? I regret not taking any gwss courses back in undergrad when I went to the U because the stuff they cover is pretty fascinating and the issues that gender and sexuality touch on are so far reaching, and also because now that some of the people I’m closest to are gender studies phd students or grads that people who run in those circles can be a ton of fun to hang out with.

Result: She did not reply

165. April 15, 2014

I can identify. I’ve long suffered from resting asshole face syndrome. The only cure is to smile maniacally – which genuinely makes it hard to get a decent profile pic up where I don’t appear to be either 1. a total fucking prick, or 2. an overeager little boy.

I promise you would like my bookshelves. A lot. Like, I know you would.

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

166. April 16, 2014

Why are you on OkCupid? Aren’t there tons of eligible guys in your section to date???

J/K! I remember the dating scene in law school being pretty awful.

What do you do to stay sane right now besides putting off reading the cases you’re supposed to read?

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

167. April 16, 2014

I spent a whole year making suburban bro kids argue in favor of congress fully funding VAWA and FVPSA. My top senior team of two pretty bro-ish guys went something like 35-6, arguing that the connection between domestic and familial violence and international violence are strong, and that patriarchy drives American militarism. It was a fun year to coach debate.

Anyone tell you to sod off or call you a wanker when you were decked out all American-style in London during the world cup? That looked pretty bad ass.

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

168. April 18, 2014

So at some point while reading The Rainbow Stories by William Vollmann I had occasion to look up the word odalisque. I always thought it was a pretty cool, evocative-seeming French word and I discovered its Turkish origins, which then led down a rabbit hole of reading about harems, eunuchs, and orientalism. So no, I’m not writing your dissertation, but I did coincidentally read a bunch about the subject on Wikipedia a few weeks ago.

I’m gonna be self-aware enough to know that putting up that you love MST3K and Monty Python is the kind of nerd bait that’ll get you a lot of messages from dudes who are like “awesome I like those too,” but here we are: I love those too.

I know on my end I usually end up really enjoying the company of English students. Maybe you’d enjoy my company as well.

Also: I’ve been searching for someone who will get it when the breaking news chyron says something like “hot dog factory explosion” and I remark how great of a name for a rock band that would be. Looks like according to your favorite authors you would.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply. Completely coincidentally I ended up sitting right next to her on a stage the next night after I sent her this message.

169. April 21, 2014

From what little there is from which one can infer, I’m gonna go ahead and venture a guess that you’re an English PhD candidate.

I like English students a lot. Maybe we should date.

Let me know if you feel me.

Result: She did not reply

170. April 22, 2014

I respect that you’re spending a year doing work with an underserved community. So many people live their entire lives in their one socioeconomic group, stick to themselves, and heck, don’t like 75% of Americans not even hold passports? Engaging with people who are really different doesn’t go 100% of the way toward being a compassionate person but it’s a critical first step I think.

I also like that you’re a vegetarian. I’ve been one for a long time myself.

What’s in store for you in August?

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

171. April 29, 2014

So my mom always told me growing up – she was like a broken record – “you need to do something that you love.” And I took that advice to heart. I’m convinced it’s kind of a double-edged sword, though, because while it’s perfectly reasonable advice, it sets a very high standard indeed for what path your career takes. Previous generations, I feel like, were told to go out there, get a decent job, shut up, and make the best of it. Whereas we of our generation bear the weight on our shoulders of not just finding good employment, but fulfilling employment.

That said, being a strategic consultant sounds awesome. And Econ majors are definitely in demand. I was gonna be one before I decided to bail out on taking like 5 semesters of calculus..

I like that you mention an appreciation of debating issues out in your profile. A lot of people view argumentativeness as a sign of disrespect, but for me it’s just the opposite – I think arguing stuff out is the best way to get at the truth, and challenging someone’s beliefs is a great way to demonstrate you respect their point of view and give them a chance to defend their perspective.

What do you find yourself debating about?

Result: She did not reply

172. April 29, 2014

Bonsoir –

I won’t try to send you a message entierement en francais, parce que it’s been a long time since I’ve written in French and I’ll make lots of errors, but je voudrais d’essayer a parler la langue avec vous.

You like Minneapolis?

I’m not Italian, but a lot of people when they see me think that I am. Peut etre c’etais assez pour vous?

– Dan

Result: She did not reply. Hard to blame her.

173. April 29, 2014

I have no idea how someone in Botswana came to view my profile but I think it’s awesome you did, so I wanted to say hi.

I spent a summer in South Africa (and I took a side trip to Livingstone/Victoria Falls and an excursion through Namibia) and I really loved the people and thought the history of the region was really fascinating and compelling.

What’s life like in Gaborone?

Result: She replied, but we did not meet, which isn’t surprising because she lives in Botswana.

174. May 12, 2014

We talked on Tinder a while back. I bored you, but in fairness you didn’t give me a goddamn thing to work with, conversationally-speaking.

I see your profile on here now. Read mine. I think you’ll find potential affinities between our personalities that the void of the Tinder chat box did not allow to fully flourish.

Word.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

175. May 12, 2014

I like that you’re into Buddhism and that it’s important to you. What brought you to it? I think a lot of Buddhist beliefs jibe well with my brightest ideas about how to avoid sadness. The tough part is actually sucking it up and being able to question desire and avoid unhealthy attachment. I’m good at understanding the intellectual concepts – not so superb at living up to them. Yet.

All dogs are beautiful. Though I imagine meditation with a restless/excited one would be tricky. What are your goals when you meditate?

Ever since I bought “Bluets” by Maggie Nelson, Amazon keeps insisting that I’d like Anne Carson. The Amazon algorithm gods are probably right, but I haven’t gotten around to her yet. What’d you love about her?

– Dan

Result: We met and dated on and off for quite a while. In the process we became close friends.

176. June 3, 2014

I envy the runners who can like, lose themselves or transcend or whatever while running. I run all the time because it’s mentally easy for me – compared to, say, lifting, which for me requires so much mental concentration as to be much more unpleasant as exercise – but I’ve never experienced a runner’s high or whatever. Not at mile 2, 8, 12..

What brought you to South Africa? I spent a summer in Southern Africa and it affected me deeply. It’s a fascinating place and the history is so recent in a way that makes it really accessible. I mean, the legacy of violent, naked oppression isn’t really even history yet there.

Whether or not you’d be interested romantically in me, if you like Miriam Makeba you should definitely check out the track “Pardon My French.” It’s super cool and it samples her. Maybe you could use it in your West African dance class 🙂

You can find it here: http://aleclomami.bandcamp.com

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

177. June 29, 2014

So after reading your profile I went to go dig and see if I could find one of my favorite tweets from earlier this year. It was someone quoting the opening dialogue in “Baby Got Back” and then observing that it passed the Bechdel Test. But now that I’ve got back to research it there’s a lively debate about whether or not that’s the case, because apparently only Becky gets named, not the other woman who’s commenting.

Our winters aren’t that bad. Are you an academic? You can just flee from like December 5th-February anyhow if you are..

Result: She did not reply

178. July 8, 2014

Your comment about putting the 10,000 lakes together reminds me of a joke from this 1980s zine published by one of the future Simpsons writers:

“My friend from Michigan says if you pushed all the Great Lakes together, they’d be as big as the Mediterranean. I say, why bother?”

I share with you a love of Future Islands. (Did you go to their show back in March? I wish I had!) I don’t share your love for the legal profession, but that’s okay. What’s the job you’ve gotten that you love?

We probably should be Goodreads friends..

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

179. July 15, 2014

I like your commitment up front to your principles. It’s like zero risk for a cis, straight guy to self-ID as a feminist but I’m sure you take a lot of shit on a dating site for being straight up about what matters to you.

I feel like we might be on the same page, or at least within a few pages of each other, on a lot of stuff – ideology, life goals/aspirations, commitments to making the world a nicer, more decent place.

What do you want to do your MFA in? Fiction? Poetry? Creative non-fiction?

If you like what you see, hit me back. If you don’t, you seem cool so I hope you find what you’re looking for.

– Dan

Result: We met and went out twice

180. July 18, 2014

You read Infinite Jest in two weeks? That’s absolutely insane. First time I read it took me an uninterrupted 3 months. And the second time was still a solid 2.

Your books read list – Saunders, Gaddis – is like my to-read queue.

Right now I’m on The Master and Margarita and I’m pretty much adrift. Perhaps your Soviet studies could help orient me.

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

181. July 19, 2014

If I could do it all over again I think I’d major in English lit rather than history.

I’ve never read any book length Atwood, but I think her first six word story from this list is probably the best six word story any of the luminaries wrote:http://archive.wired.com/wired/archive/14.11/sixwords.html

You seem super well read and a bit of snobbery in that regard is no real crime – most people have really execrable tastes. Maybe we should be goodreads friends?

Also – not a great season to be a Barca supporter, eh? They’re my second team after my I-bleed-light-blue Manchester City lads.

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

182. July 26, 2014

There are worse things in this world than having a boring online dating profile. This guy helps prove that: http://jezebel.com/this-dudes-list-of-dealbreakers-is-80-horrific-100-h-1610455655

It’s hard to transcend the tired form/conventions of The Profile. I’ve given it my best shot, though.

I suspect people in your line of work are highly engaging and I think I’d have fun meeting you. People in my line of work, I fear, are typically temperamentally deeply conservative and stodgy, but perhaps you won’t hold that against me.

If you too see potential here, get in touch. Otherwise best of luck in your hunt for happiness.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

183. July 26, 2014

I couldn’t tell from you photo where the best place on earth was, but one of my favorite places is Muir Woods out by where you just came back from. I envy that you spent years in the Bay Area because life out there seems spectacular – even while they (like everywhere else) certainly have their share of social problems to deal with.

What brought you back here? Has it been disorienting to move?

I find autism remarkably difficult to wrap my head around – autism is marked by having a fundamentally different orientation toward social interaction, right? What kind of joys/triumphs have you experienced working with children with autism?

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

184. August 3, 2014

I tried to be laconic with my photo captions, but it looks like you went me one better.

Looks like we’ve been to roughly the same continents. I just drove in to Boston today because I love Infinite Jest and I’m (as we speak) wandering around Brighton-Allston seeing the sites from the book.

I’m barely in town for any time at all, but if you’d be up for a serendipitous encounter – just a drink or something – I bet we could have a decent conversation based on your profile.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

185. August 3, 2014

So I just drove to Boston for the express purpose of seeing the settings from Infinite Jest. I’m walking around Brighton as we speak and it blows my mind people are like 500 feet away from the real life Ennet House and they have no idea.

Back in a previous life I did an “internship” in rural development in India. I think our bookshelves could be friends.

I’m just visiting briefly, but if you don’t have plans this evening, would you like to grab dinner? I was still gonna go to Public Garden and around Cambridge as part of my touring.

Let me know. My name is Dan and my telephone number is (redacted).

Result: She did not reply

186. August 3, 2014

I’m a Midwestern guy who did alright on the LSAT, though that seems like a past life at this point.

I spent the weekend at a wedding in New York and I drove up to Boston specifically to see the sights from Infinite Jest. Did you know they’re about to tear down the building where Ennet House is? Glad I just saw it five minutes ago before they do!

Maybe you’d give me a chance to convince you The Pale King was actually good? I’d love company for dinner tonight.

My name is Dan and my number is (redacted). You could also contact me through this site if you’d be more comfortable with that instead.

Result: She did not reply

187. August 5, 2014

I read a blatantly click-baity, preaching to the choir article in the Guardian today about a pro-gun children’s book (out out by a bunch of irrelevant nobodies who benefit from all the copy they can get, Guardian…) called “My Parents Open Carry.” Beyond just the politics of it, the use of “open carry” made me feel about how you felt about “efforting.”

When I wanna find someone to spend a serendipitous day romping around a city with I search on okcupid for “infinite jest.” I think it’s a pretty good heuristic to filter out the noise.

I am only in town briefly, and this isn’t a solicitation for a one night stand, but it ain’t platonic, neither.

Wanna hang out? I feel like we might get along.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

188. August 5, 2014

I really liked Bluets, but I just finished Autobiography of Red (which came with rave recommendations from trusted sources) and I just didn’t really get it. Maybe you can help?

Slim chance you’re both available and interested, but would you like to have a serendipitous encounter and grab coffee this afternoon? I’m not from here but I entertain dreams of moving here – so one day soon I may be. I’d love to talk David Foster Wallace (I just came down from Boston where I visited the real life place Wallace stayed that inspired Ennet House – wanna see pics?) and online dating. Online dating is weird. I blogged about it for a year and a half with hopes of getting a book deal but I feel like I wrote myself into a corner.

You can check it out here – www.onehundredproblems.com

Or better yet, hit me up and spend an afternoon with me. My name’s Dan and my number is (redacted)

Result: She did not reply

189. August 5, 2014

In the last month I read The Master and Margarita, in the last six months I re-read Infinite Jest, I’ve worked through the first part of The Brothers Karamazov, and a bit earlier than that I wrapped up The Corrections (which itself came right after the initial Infinite Jest read).

Not sure I “got” TM&M. IJ changed my life – what I aspire to, how I view others, how I deal with sadness. TBK I’m enjoying. The Corrections, I thought, was dated and nowhere near as good as what Wallace is doing.

I’m only in the city briefly but I bet we could vibe over books, and based on the books you’re into, probably a lot of other things as well. Let me know if you might be up for a brief, serendipitous encounter.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

190. August 5, 2014

Today I was going to go to the Queens Museum to see their spectacular diorama of New York, which is apparently accurate down to every individual building that existed back when they made it back in the 60s. But the museum’s closed Mondays and Tuesdays. Go figure.

I’m only in town very briefly, but I would love company this afternoon if you’re feeling spontaneous. I’d love to hear what books have moved you (dirty or not dirty, as the case may be), what spots in the city you love, what plays I should see. I’ve already been to the Tenement Museum and ideally I’d find something kind of off beat like that, but I might just end up going to an old standby like the Met or the Whitney.

Let me know if you might be up for a serendipitous encounter. I’m Dan – (redacted)

Result: She did not reply

191. August 5, 2014

we both wrote profiles whose prolixity would make proust proud. alliteration not fully intended when i began typing this but i’m gonna go with it.

due to the mutual prolixity, i won’t bother pointing out all the affinities between our profiles except to say i suspect you’ll see some too.

i’m only in town very briefly, but this isn’t a one night stand request. you seem like someone awesome to spend a day with. and though i don’t intend to solicit a one night stand, this message isn’t platonic either.

i’m dan. today i wanna ride the staten island ferry with someone. or maybe go see the huge new york diorama at the queens museum. i’m free all day. care to join me?

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

192. August 9, 2014

You’ve got some great pics – you must have some photographically proficient friends to snap shots. Some look like they were taken abroad – is the one of you on a bike in Spain? The one surrounded by tree rows France?

Are you new to the area or are the cities home?

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

193. September 10, 2014

So you mentioned you liked hair metal from the 80s in your profile – I’m gonna go ahead and share something guaranteed to brighten your day:http://youtu.be/1WsBXyJOw-M

Result: She did not reply

194. September 19, 2014

What’s an empty rock?

At one point in my life, several Hollywood producers were being kept in their mansions and luxury sports cars solely off of the Netflix royalties from all the Law and Order: SVU my account was watching.

If we watched some together, I could be that annoying person who points out all the flaws with the plots. Then again, based on the shirt you’re wearing in your main pic, you possibly could be too.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

195. September 19, 2014

Laconic profile.

Me Dan.

Result: She did not reply

196.  September 24, 2014

What brought you back to Minneapolis? I’ve been meaning to give myself a good shove into taking the plunge and moving to New York City because there’s just so much going on there. You feeling the culture shock? Or are you just enjoying having so much more personal space and easy access to parking and fewer gigantic garbage bags blocking every sidewalk?

Where else have you traveled beside New Zealand? Where else is on the agenda? I think my next stop might be Chile this spring, and I’d also like to hit up Brazil at some point soon. I just read A Confederacy of Dunces, and that’s set in New Orleans so I’d like to poke around down there as well.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

197. September 24, 2014

Danes seem to show up all over – I spent five months in India while I was in University and I shared rickshaws and ate meals with a lot of them. I admire an educational system that produces multilingual students so efficiently.

What brought you to Minneapolis?

Where have you been and where do you want to go? MSF would take you to some interesting locales..

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

198. September 24, 2014

My profile used to be all in lower case. I did it mostly for the cred of looking vaguely artistic and pretentious, but pretty often people would ask me if I was doing it for bell hooks and I’d have to disappoint them and say that I was not.

I hope no one’s scared you off online dating yet. I also love reading so maybe we could swap book tips. One of my favorite new books I’ve read this year is The Empathy Exams by Leslie Jamison. I saw her give a talk at Common Good Books in St. Paul and she was incredibly bright and poised. Check it out maybe.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

199. September 24, 2014

How’d your path bring you to an MDiv program and how’d you decide you want to be a hospital chaplain? I’ve known a hospital chaplain and it sounds simultaneously incredibly rewarding and also emotionally taxing and varied in its new challenges from day to day.

I’m not a Christian, so I’ll get that right out there if it’s a dealbreaker for you, but it feels reductive to put it in negative terms. I suppose I’d say I’m also not a bunch of other things as well; I’m not specifically not a Christian, if that makes sense.

If you feel like I meet your other criteria and you might like to take a walk around Calhoun or grab a cup of coffee, let me know.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

200. September 24, 2014

Why Marx Was Right has sat in my Amazon wishlist for a long time. I read a feature by him in the Guardian and wanted to buy his book but it wasn’t coming out for something like 7 months in the US.

I’ve been in numerous academic settings where I was encouraged to read Marx himself but I’ve never been able to bootstrap my way through it, so I’m all about back doors into sounding super knowledgeable about radical politics. What’d you get from Why Marx Was Right?

I’m not down with Republicans or repression, but I’m REALLY not down with beets. That shit tastes like dirt.

No literal skeletons in my closet, but I do intentionally put the effort in to empathize with other humans and to treat each of them with generosity and respect. I think we have similar philosophical outlooks on sex (and there’s time in the future to find out if we share similar tastes).

If you feel me, get in touch.

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

201. October 2, 2014

Just last night I was hanging out at Caffetto reading with a buddy and he asked me if I’d ever read any Murakami. Told him I hadn’t – not enough time to read everything! But he seemed kinda surprised which makes me think my ignorance of Murakami might be a fairly serious lacuna in my reading.

I respect the work you’re doing. I don’t know if this is directly relevant to you, but did you know that Augsburg now offers a full ride to any student in the Minneapolis or St. Paul public schools that participates on a debate team for four years? Worth passing along since it’s a pretty awesome deal.

Let me know if you might be interested in grabbing Indian food sometime. I know some good places.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

202. October 2, 2014

What was the occasion for you to wear (what appears to be) an Indian-style dress?

I tend to think of myself as speaking French quite poorly, but I just had the chance to try my hand at speaking with real live French speakers for the first time since high school, and whereas I’d believed I had the French skills of roughly a 2-3 year old, I now fancy myself being perhaps as fluent as a six year old! It was a bit of a self-esteem boost.

It seems like we’re on the same page in a lot of ways. Let me know if you agree.

– Dan

(ps – I got bored and shaved off my beard on Monday, but heck, shaving sucks, so it’s only a matter of time before it’ll be back)

Result: She did not reply

203. October 7, 2014

As a lifelong Minnesotan I felt like I had a decent idea of what skiing entailed (and I’d never been to a Colorado resort), and then my buddy won a free ski trip to Switzerland (no joke) and took me along and boy am I not as competent at skiing as I had imagined. There were runs there that descended more than the entire elevation of this flat, flat state, and around here you’re lucky to find a run that lasts 30 seconds, much less the 30 minute “easy” runs in Switzerland.

So I suppose Minnesota might be a bit of a let down in that regard.

I have fond memories of hanging out in the basement of Wilson rummaging through the microfilms of 1950s newspapers for my senior paper, which rapidly became rummaging through microfilms of 1950s newspapers just because it was cool.

I also know that at some point in my life a friend has stolen my personal copy of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius but that I can’t get any of them to own up to it. And it pisses me off because I care about possessing THE physical copy of books I’ve read.

😦

I think we’d get along. I know some fun places to check out – particularly vegetarian-friendly joints. Let me know if you feel me.

– Dan

Result: We met and went on many dates.

204. October 12, 2014

You like pizza dipped in ranch, and I’m vaguely ashamed to admit it, but I like pizza dipped in ketchup. That must be the last 1% of matching we didn’t achieve..

Capitalism is bad for sure. The million dollar question in my mind is whether it’s merely an ideology people can be persuaded out of, or whether capitalism is an outgrowth of intrinsic human terribleness – selfishness, pride, etc.

You seem cool. I don’t usually give a shit about match percentages but once they start to get to like 98-99 (as opposed to like 90-95) there’s usually some serious compatibility potential in terms of life outlook and philosophy.

If you feel me get in touch.

– Dan

Result: We met and went out twice.

205. October 20, 2014

Looks like your Montana picture is the Going-to-the-Sun road? I’ve only been to Glacier once and it was at a bad time of year so I only got to skim the surface of the park, but what I saw was spectacular.

My only similar experience with some seriously peaceful, awesome nature was in Muir Woods outside San Francisco. It’s really spectacular and I recommend it if you ever find yourself with the time and opportunity.

You love your job, eh? Wish I loved mine. How are you striking a balance between letting it rule your life versus being too apathetic to get ahead?

A lot of what you seem to value in your profile resonates with me. If my profile resonates with you enough, give me a shout.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

206. November 1, 2014

It’s really lamentable that talking about the male gaze and gender performativity and anything Beyoncé-related can render you socially inept at parties. In a just world it’d make you super…ept.

Note also that OkCupid doesn’t think performativity is a word. OKC gotta expand its mind.

Here’s a couple recommendations I’m gonna throw at you because we seem to be on the same page about a lot of stuff. I’ve read The Corrections plus the latest essay collection and like half of How to Be Alone and I think David Foster Wallace is very similar to Jonathan Franzen but more lively and spirited and varied. And I realize the irony of calling Wallace “more lively.”

Fun fact: I first read Wallace when I was in Cape Town – I have a memory of reading Consider the Lobster at a coffee shop on Long Street. It wasn’t a very good coffee shop.

I don’t know a hell of a lot about contemporary poetry, but I read Maggie Nelson’s Bluets and liked it a lot. A friend of mine who used to compete in slam poetry and is involved in gender studies and definitely, definitely likes contemporary poetry got me to read Anne Carson’s Autobiography of Red. She swears by it (but I’m afraid I didn’t really get it).

I spent a summer in South Africa on a study abroad program. I read your profile carefully trying to figure out if you’re an American studying abroad there right now and even though your profile very much reads like that of an American, unless you’re of joint nationality, I don’t think you are. No American just learns Afrikaans for the hell of it.

Anyhow, I think South Africa is a beautiful, fascinating place. I came back and wanted to become a historian of 20th century Southern Africa because the history of white rule in the region is so raw and recent, and seeing the cultural/economic tensions there helped me to grasp the realities of the broader world. It was bizarre to be in a place like Cape Town where one could stand at a Lambourghini dealership no more than a 10 minute’s drive away from the gigantic slums of the Cape Flats.

Thought I’d share my thoughts. Cheers.

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet, seeing as she lives in South Africa.

207. November 14, 2014

I really liked the Empathy Exams a bunch – I went to a talk at Common Good Books on the day it was released and I was really impressed by Jamison in person. She seemed super bright and thoughtful.

Which essays did you like best? I was moved by the title essay, and I thought the Barkley Races one was pretty fascinating – how people do such senseless things as intentionally painful endurances races to…serve no particular end that I could tell.

I’ve been hearing good things about Adichie too. Haven’t gotten around to Americanah quite yet though.

Result: She did not reply

208. December 4, 2014

I feel like giant tortoises would make the best companions. You never have to worry about them dying, you can talk to them all day without them going anywhere or getting restless, and with a 300 year lifespan or whatever, they’ve gotta be pretty wise. I’d like a tortoise’s vibe.

What kinda environmental policy you working on? I’ve been going to these community meetings about climate change in the Whittier neighborhood and I’ve met some really cool people and begun to feel a little less hopeless about the prospects of avoiding civilization-ending-level catastrophe. Not a lot less hopeless. But a little.

I don’t look much like CR7 but I have scored 3 goals in rec league soccer this year and I can make my hair into a fauxhawk. Kinda.

Result: She did not reply

209. December 4, 2014

Your multiple mentions of grocery stores is a good chance for me to promote one of my hot tweets: (redacted)
And if that’s not enough for ya, I appreciate your “smash my lady hole” euphemism. A buddy of mine and I tried to come up with the most offputting slang phrase for sex that we could. Gross is a factor, but just making it outlandishly gross wouldn’t really do it – it has to be like campy and cringe inducing too. I decided I liked “bumpin’ nasties” the best.

You seem cool. I feel like there are some affinities between our profiles that suggest we might get along.

Lemme know if you agree.

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

210. December 7, 2014

Based on your music tastes I bet you went to Pitchfork this summer.

Did you? If you saw the FKA Twigs set we were probably like a few feet from each other because it was a small stage with a small crowd.

Result: She did not reply

211. December 7, 2014

You ever been to the Marvel Bar? Probably the swankiest place in Minneapolis, and you gotta know where the entrance is because it’s unmarked and hidden. Superb cocktails.

Let me know if you might like to join me there sometime.

Result: She did not reply

212. December 10, 2014

You’ve answered a hell of a lot of OkCupid questions for someone with a blank profile. But I can vibe with the laconic.

What are some of the 16-50 books you’ve read this year? I’ve read several that I’ve mildly enjoyed but not loved – or at least not enough to recommend to others (A Confederacy of Dunces, The Master and Margarita), I’ve read some fairly special interest stuff like a memoir of a woman with a facial deformity (Autobiography of a Face) which I give a hearty thumbs up to, and some really awesome creative nonfiction and essays (Bluets, The Empathy Exams, The Whale). I’m currently digging into Roxane Gay’s essay collection Bad Feminist.

I dig your Vampire Weekend/American Apparel-aesthetic pic. Get back at me if you feel like it.

Result: She did not reply

213. December 11, 2014

I’ve seen much more voluminous word vomit on here before..

What stuck out when you read Anticancer? I checked it out on Amazon and it sounds like (surprise!) there’s a lot of potentially beneficial ways to avoid cancer. Cancer’s a real bummer and there are so many damn things that can cause it. I began reading but haven’t yet finished The Emperor of All Maladies – a “biography” of cancer and I spend perhaps unhealthy amounts of time reading about cancer (and everything else) on Wikipedia.

I think you look super cute in your pic at the Foshay. Did you go to Prohibition that night?

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

214. December 20, 2014

Where’d you spend time in South Africa and what were you doing? I did a study abroad program about comparative law at the University of the Western Cape, so I spent a lot of time in Cape Town. Fascinating city – one of, I imagine, few places on earth where a Lamborghini dealership is no more than a 7 minute drive or so from townships where a million shack-dwellers live. It’s been years since I’ve spent time in South Africa and in many ways I’m still processing it.

If your small, non-yappy dog is a pug you might be perfect. And if it’s not a pug, you still seem pretty cool 🙂

Maybe we could swap tales of international adventure sometime.

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

215. December 26, 2014

Where are all your exotic climbing and wilderness pics from?

I’ve taken road trips a heck of a lot of places, but when those trips took me through say, Utah or Colorado, it was always dark or I was always the one sleeping in the passenger’s seat.

I’d love to get rid of my car too. I do need it for work, but on evenings and weekends I almost never drive it. Life’s gotten a lot better since I moved to uptown and absolutely everything became walkable.

What’s your story?

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

216. January 6, 2015

That first picture looks like it’s in India. Am I right?

How are the efforts to not think? I’m convinced that bringing one’s thoughts to a standstill is the singularly most challenging achievement in all of human endeavor. It ain’t easy and I’m not there yet, but I’ve certainly been trying..

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

217. January 10, 2015

The coincidence is too striking to not comment on – I just finished reading the Year of Magical Thinking yesterday in a marathon-ish 5 hour session.

My thoughts on it are mixed. I could make a painfully obvious criticism – which is almost so obvious that maybe I’m missing something when I make it – that the amount of privilege displayed in the book (that is never seemingly acknowledged or examined in any critical way) is almost nauseous. From gratuitous references to getting NBA tickets from the commissioner to discussions of Princeton class reunions.. It left a sour taste.

But I’m not all down on the book. It was artful and felt honest – the privilege criticism isn’t one that indicts its honesty – and I think it does offer insight into grieving/mourning. Maybe not any insight that makes those processes suck less, but knowledge and perspective can be good in themselves, rather than just for what they get you.

You should move to San Francisco. We should all move to San Francisco.

What were your thoughts on the book?

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

218. January 15, 2015

Being a professor is pretty much the best conceivable job. Getting paid a reasonable sum to stand around and talk for a few hours a week and to read and write about what you’re interested in sounds good to me.

I recently bailed on my dreams of becoming a professor. All I have to show for them is approximately one entire bookshelf full of books about contemporary Southern African history.

I like your taste in books. A lot. I just spent several nights last week up until 4-5 AM each night trying to wrap up my first post for my just launched blog about books, and the first post is about one of the authors of your fav books you’ve listed here.

Jesus’ Son is fairly high on my imminent to-read pile. I bought it at this bookstore here: (redacted link)

Wanna go ice skate and then warm up with a cup of something soon?

– Dan

Result: She did not reply

219. January 21, 2015

Your comment about “why can’t I just eat donuts all the time” reminded me of The Onion’s Nietzsche diet, which consists of eating what you fear most to excess:http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-nietzschean-diet-lets-you-eat-whatever-you-fea,1703/

I went back and read the diet and actually it sounds like it maybe has some real insight..

One thing I do know, though, is that the Minneapolis donut scene is not very strong compared to LA, NYC, etc., where there’s ridiculously fresh and delicious donuts available 24h..

So I hope you’ve found other things to like about Minneapolis! When’d you get here? Where’d you come from?

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

220. January 23, 2015

As a cis male myself I will offer the disclaimer up front that I have no personal understanding of the (I’m sure very daunting) challenges of dating if you are trans (or if you have a disability, or if you’re a POC…) but my first instinct is to question whether it’s always appropriate to ID as cis or trans in an online dating profile.

I’m aware that trans folks face ridiculous, unconscionable violence because of their identities, and I don’t know much about making the choice to ID as say, “a trans man” versus “a man,” but maybe they don’t want to ID as trans.

Then again perhaps I can answer my own question by observing that OkCupid ain’t gonna force you to say cis- or trans-.

Out of curiosity why are you in the sociology department instead of GWSS?

I just started a blog about books, and one of the posts I’ve been working on is about issues of ugliness/disfigurement, and I’ve already read quite a bit of The Ugly Laws as well as the collection Sex and Disability.

I bet we’d be on pretty similar wavelengths about a bunch of stuff. Let me know if you agree. Either way, welcome to Minneapolis.

– Dan

Result: She replied, but we did not meet

221. February 2, 2015

Based upon the themes you hit in the last two paragraphs of your “What I’m doing with my life” answer, as well as your invitation for suggestions regarding fiction you might like to read, perhaps you’d like to read the first (and as of yet only) post in my blog about books, entitled (roughly) “why you should read Infinite Jest, even if you think it’s just for pretentious jerks.” It’s at www.remainderedcopy.com

For heck’s sake, the excerpts I excerpt from Infinite Jest even include the phrase “analysis paralysis.”

As a former econ major who washed out when he realized truly how much math he’d have to take but still has a deep (lay) appreciation for the discipline, and a guy who tried to get into A Love Supreme for the music cred (though it didn’t take), I feel like we might be able to having some engaging conversations.

This dude who struck up a chat with me in my favorite Indian restaurant asked me if I liked Ethiopian food. I told him I didn’t like it as much as Indian, but I’d appreciate a good recommendation for his take on the best restaurant in the cities. He said it wasn’t quite the same as the food in Ethiopia, but for his money Fashika in St. Paul was his fav.

I’ve never been. Wanna join me for dinner there sometime?

– Dan

Result: She did not reply