Need help understanding all the online dating lingo? I’m here to help.

They say… But they actually mean…

• A guy’s profile filled with standoffish sarcasm —> “I have too much involvement with the pickup artist community.”
• “I don’t know why I’m on an online dating site.” —> “I look down on you for being on an online dating site while I am actively browsing online dating sites. I am large, I contain multitudes.”
• “I love to travel.” —> “I got really wasted studying abroad in Scotland and that was pretty awesome.”
• “I really love to travel.” —> “My family is rich.”
• “I love to be active” —> “You better not be fat.”
• “A healthy lifestyle is important to me” —> “You better not be fat.”
• “New York Times” —> “Behold my erudition.”
• A man’s picture where he’s looking away from the camera and not smiling —> “I’m okay looking like a tool, because the OkCupid data told me to.”
• “I am in graduate school” —> “I am paying for a master’s degree.”
• “I barely have time to read for fun anymore.” —> “I repeat – I am in graduate school.”
• “I am a 34 year-old man, seeking women age 24-35” —> “I want to date 22 year-olds.”
• “I hate writing about myself.” —> “I have learned to try to conceal my ego, but I haven’t yet figured out a subtle way to do it.”
• “I last read: the Hunger Games.” —> “I do not like books.”
• “I last read: Fifty Shades of Gray.” —> “I hate books.”
• “I last read: Tom Clancy.” —> “I hate women.”
• “Oxford Comma” —> “New York Times.”
• “I am a feminist” (said by a woman) —> “Despite pervasive popular ignorance about the meaning of feminism, (e.g., many men wrongfully thinking that feminism is radical, anti-man, emasculating, and therefore something to be avoided at all costs) I am standing up for what I believe and making it clear I expect to be treated decently and as a human being rather than as a mere female sexed body.”
• “I am a feminist” (said by a guy) —> “I know what these women want to hear.”
• “Yoga” —> “You better not be fat.”
• “I am a woman, seeking casual sex.” —> “This is a not a real account.”